Old and New Jokes

There is currently an article in alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.bestiality with the subject Girl caught masturbating chimp, by SpyCam in ZOO

I guess spanking the monkey can be taken literally in this case. 🙂

An elderly gentleman had had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He finally went to a doctor one day, and he was fitted with an exceptional hearing aid.The old geezer returned a month later for a checkup, and the doctor remarked, Your hearing is perfect! Your family must really be pleased that you can hear again.The old geezer replied, Oh, I havent told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations… and in that time Ive changed my will three times!

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced,

Im going to try to swim to shore. So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.



The second one, the redhead, said to herself, I wonder if she made it. I guess its better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve. So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.



So the blonde thought to herself, I wonder if they made it! I think Id better try to make it, too. So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore

was just in sight, but she said, Im too tired to go on! So she swam back.

October 14, 1947 – Pilot Chuck Yeager flew the Bell X One rocket plane and became the first person to break the sound barrier.

BREAKING THE SOUND BARIER?

The New York Times reports that Nathan P. Myhrvold, Microsofts chief technology officer, working with a paleontologist, has developed a computer model that provides evidence that some dinosaurs may have been able to use their tails like bull whips, creating a cannon-like sonic boom by exceeding the speed of sound with the last few inches of the tail. Thus, dinosaurs, and not Chuck Yeager, may have been the first life forms on the planet to break the sound barrier.

It struck me as somehow appropriate that Microsofts CTO would concern himself with how to make a dinosaur go so fast.

Sandy (AKA Ms Sam)

Chuckles Of Choice Web Site

http://www.chucklesofchoice.com/

La maestra les dejó de tarea a sus alumnos investigar qué animal es el más venenoso o ponzoñoso.

Al día siguiente, la profesora le pregunta a Juanita acerca de la tarea y ella le contesta que es la abeja, porque picaba y dejaba hinchado y con mucho dolor. Después le pregunta a Pedro y él le responde que es la víbora, porque su piquete es mortal. Hasta el final, le pregunta a Pepito.

El burro es el animal más ponzoñoso, responde Pepito.

¡Cómo te atreves a decir que es el burro, Pepito!

Sí, maestra, a ver, aguántele un piquetito.

A man sees a blonde woman at the beach one day sporting a walkman and headphones, but thinks nothing of it.



The next day, he sees the same blonde woman at the grocery store, still with the walkman and headphones on. A little suprised, he goes on with his shopping.



The next day was Sunday, and the man headed off to church. The man arrived at the church and found a seat just as the preacher was beginning the sermon. Halfway through the sermon, the man looked over, and to his surprise, saw the same blonde woman. Even more shocking, she was STILL wearing the headphones! The man was so curious as to why she was wearing the headphones, he jumped up, ran over to the woman, and ripped the headphones off her head. She

immediately fell to the ground, clutching her throat. The man, horrified, picked up the headphones to see what was playing in them. To his amasement, the same thing was playing over and over again:



Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out…

The Office of Institutional Computing has defined a lower cost alternative for Desktop conversions that also addresses the Year 2000 issue: The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by Jan, 1999.



Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this: Y2K problems No technical glitches, keeping work from being done. No more wasted time reading and writing emails. Substantial hardware cost savings.



Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:



My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen. What do I do?

Pick it up and shake it



How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?

Pick it up and shake it



Whats the short cut for Undo?

Pick it up and shake it



How do I create a New Document window?

Pick it up and shake it



How do I set the background and foreground to the same colour?

Pick it up and shake it



What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?

Pick it up and shake it



How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?

Pick it up and shake it



How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?

Dont shake it.

A blonde,brunette and a redhead all step up to a mysterious magig mirror. A sign beside it says: If you lie while looking in this mirror you will dissapear. The brunette appraches the mirror and says: I think im the smartest girl in the world and she dissapeared. The redhead approaches the mirror and says: I think Im the hottest girl in the world. and she dissapeared. Then the blonde appraches the mirror and says: I think, and she dissapeared

Q:why did the burger queen get pregnant?



A:the burger king forgot to wrap his whopper.

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Frank!
Frank who?
Franks and beans!