Knock Knock…

Whos there?

Belize!

Belize who?

Belize in yourself, and anyzing is pozzible!

This guy gets drunk one night, and wakes up with a terrible hangover, and realizes hes in a motel. As his eyes come into focus, he sees a very ugly girl sitting at the foot of the bed, staring at him.

She looks at him says, What are we going to name it?

He picks up the rubber he used the night before, ties it in a knot, tosses it out the window, and says, If he gets out of this well call him Houdini.

Unos compadres se van a Houston de wetbacks y no hablan inglés.

Llega uno de ellos todo torcido por el viaje en la troka y se queja con el otro compadre:

Oiga compadre tengo un dolor pero perrón en la muñeca que se me sube parriba hasta el conejo, luego como que se retacha patras y pega en la paleta y de ahí parriba hasta las sienes compadre.

El compadre contesta:

Untate mentolato y no estés fregando.

El compadre insiste en que lo lleve al doctor, porque el dolor está muy severo y el compadre más o menos habla Ingles.

Llegan los compadres al Mercifull Hospital y se entrevistan con el Dr.

Explicale mi dolencia dice el compadre adolorido. Usté si habla algo de inglich compadre.

El compadre leído, inicia la explicación:

Look Doitor, aquí mi Withfather tiene un pain bien dogy que begun in the left doll and then run up to the rabbit. And from the rabbit como que take pa la bakward until the lollipop y luego agarra, pesca y get parriba and finish in the one hundreds de los dos lados…

El doctor en tono molesto le reprende:

You are mental retarded!

Y el compadre leido le explica al otro:

¿Ya ves compadre? !Que te pongas mentolato retearto!

1.Ur momma is so fat when she sat on the rainbow she made skittles.

2.Ur momma is so fat when she jumped outta the sky she got stuck.



3.Ur momma is so fat when she took one step she made an earthquake.



4.Ur momma is so ugly when she loooked into the mirror she got crusty.

Ellen Degeneres virus:
Your IBM suddenly claims its a MAC

Monica Lewinsky virus:
Sucks all the memory out of your computer

Titanic virus:
Makes your whole computer go down

Disney virus:
Everything in the computer goes Goofy

Mike Tyson virus:
Quits after one byte

Prozac virus:
Screws up your RAM but your processor doesnt care

Sharon Stone virus:
Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget its there.

Why should you avoid running over an [ethnic] riding a bicycle in your
neighborhood?

– Because the bike may be yours.

She wouldnt have been old enough to bear children!

Did you hear about the lawyer from Texas who was so big when he died that they couldnt find a coffin big enough to hold the body?

They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.

What do you do when you see your TV floating away in the middle of the night?

Cock your gun and say Freeze nigger!

In a mental institution, a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient pretending hes driving a car, with his hands at 10 and 2. The nurse asks him, Charlie! What are you doing? Charlie replied, Cant talk right now…. Im driving to Chicago! The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.The next day the nurse enters Charlies room just as he suddenly stops driving his imaginary car and she asks, Well Charlie, how you doing? Charlie says, Im exhausted, I just got into Chicago and I need some rest.Thats great, replied the nurse, Im glad you had a safe trip. The nurse leaves Charlies room, and then goes across the hall into another patients room, and finds Ed sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously. Very surprised she shouts, Ed what are you doing!? To which Ed replies, Shhh, Im screwing Charlies wife, while hes in Chicago.