IM GLAD IM A MAN Im glad Im a man, you better believe; I dont live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I dont bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts; I can get where I want to — north, south, east or west. I dont get wasted after only 2 beers; and when I do drink I dont end up in tears. I wont spend hours deciding what to wear; I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair. And I dont go around checking my reflection; in everything shiny from every direction. I dont whine in public and make us leave early; and when you ask why get all bitter and surly. Im glad Im a man, Im so glad I could sing; I dont have to sit around waiting for that ring. I dont gossip about friends or stab them in the back; I dont carry our differences into the sack. Ill never go psycho and threaten to kill you; or think every guy out theres trying to steal you. Im rational, reasonable, and logical too; I know what the time is and I know what to do. And I honestly think its a privilege for me; to have these two balls and stand when I pee. I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball; its more fun than dealing with women after all. I wont cry if you say its not going to work; I wont remain bitter and call you a jerk. Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure; I wont assume its permanent by any measure. Yes, Im so very glad Im a man, you see; Im glad Im not capable of child delivery. I dont get all bitchy every 28 days; Im glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise. Im a man by chance and Im thankful its true; Im so glad Im a man and not a woman like you! IM GLAD IM A WOMANIm glad Im a woman, yes I am, yes I am; I dont live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam. I dont brag to my buddies about my erections; I wont drive to Hell before I ask for directions. I dont get wasted at parties and act like a clown; and I know how to put that damned toilet seat down! I wont grab your hooters, I wont pinch your butt; my belt buckles not hidden beneath my beer gut. And I dont go around “re-adjusting” my crotch; or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch. I dont belch in public, I dont scratch my behind. Im a woman you see — Im just not that kind! Im glad Im a woman, Im so glad I could sing; I dont have body hair like shag carpeting. It doesnt grow from my ears or cover my back; when I lean over you cant see three inches of crack. And whats on my head doesnt leave with my comb; Ill never buy a toupee to cover my dome. Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side; Im a woman, you know – Ive got far too much pride! And I honestly think its a privilege for me; to have these two boobs and squat when I pee. I dont live to play golf and shoot basketball; I dont swagger and spit like a Neanderthal. I wont tell you my wife just does not understand; or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band. Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep; then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep! Yes, Im so very glad Im a woman, you see; forget all about that old penis envy. I dont long for male bonding, I dont cruise for chicks; join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick. Im a woman by chance and Im thankful, its true; Im so glad Im a woman and not a man like you!