1. Life is sexually transmitted. 2. Two wrongs dont make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane. 3. Its not the pace of life that concerns me, its the sudden stop at the end. 4. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 5. Its hard to make a comeback when you havent been anywhere. 6. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. 7. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if youre in the bathroom. 8. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. 9. Never knock on Deaths door; ring the doorbell and run (he hates that). 10. When youre finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess? 11. If youre living on the edge, make sure you wear your seat belt. 12. The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when its open. 13. There are two kinds of pedestrians… the quick and the dead. 14. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. 15. A closed mouth gathers no feet. 16. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. 17. Its not hard to meet expenses…theyre everywhere. 18. Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.