Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press

2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and

6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesnt matter which number you press. No one will answer.