Corporate Lingo
Heres a little clarification of corporate lingo.
COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: We have no time to train you; youll have to introduce yourself to your coworkers.
SEEKING ENTHUSIASTIC, FUN, HARD WORKING, PEOPLE:…who still live with their parents and wont mind our internship-level salaries.
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We dont pay enough to expect that youll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
JOIN OUR DYNAMIC TEAM: We all listen to nutty motivational tapes.
A DRUG-FREE WORK ENVIRONMENT: We booze it up at company parties.
MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED: Youll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend.
DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around.
MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL: We have no quality control.
COLLEGE DEGREE PREFERRED: Unless you wasted those four years studying something useless like philosophy, English or religion.
CAREER-MINDED: Female Applicants must must be childless (and remain that way).
APPLY IN PERSON: If youre old, fat or ugly youll be told the position has been filled.
NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE: Weve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
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