How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who cant even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts the sentence with, A man once told me…

How do you fix a womans watch?
You dont. Theres a clock on the stove.

Why do men pass gas more than women do?
Because women wont shut up long enough to build up pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course… at least hell shut up after youve let him in.

All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.

Whats worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who wont do what shes told.

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.

I married Miss Right. I just didnt know her first name was Always.

I havent spoken to my wife for 18 months – I dont like to interrupt her.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95 percent of her intelligence?
Divorced.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.

Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a womans sex drive by 90 percent – wedding cake.