Im Glad Im A Man

Im glad Im a man, you better believe.

I dont live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese

I dont bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts

I can get where I want to – north, south, east or west

I dont get wasted after only 2 beers

and when I do drink I dont end up in tears.

I wont spend hours deciding what to wear,

I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair

and I dont go around checking my reflection

in everything shiny from every direction.

I dont whine in public and make us leave early

and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.

Im glad Im a man, Im so glad I could sing

I dont have to sit around waiting for that ring.

I dont gossip about friends or stab them in the back

I dont carry our differences into the sack.

Ill never go psycho and threaten to kill you

or think every guy out theres trying to steal you.

Im rational, reasonable, and logical too

I know what the time is and I know what to do.

And I honestly think its a privilege for me

to have these two balls and stand when I pee

I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball

Its more fun than dealing with women after all

I wont cry if you figure out its not going to work

I wont remain bitter and call you a jerk.

Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure

I wont assume its permanent by any measure.

Yes, Im glad Im a man, a man you see

Im glad Im not capable of child delivery

I dont get all bitchy every 28 days

Im glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise

Im a man by chance and Im thankful its true

Im so glad Im a man and not a woman like you!