Santa on Trial



You are accused, Mr. Santa Claus, alias Saint Nick, alias Kris Kringle, age unknown, of no fixed abode, with the following charges:



Failing to apply for landed immigrant status from Finland to the North Pole



Crossing the Canadian-USA border illegally on December 25 of each year as far back as records go



Failing to operate a union toy shop, and not paying your elves and dwarfs the minimum wage, provide paid vacations and wages at time and a half for more than 40 hour work weeks, or meeting the standards of the Workers Compensation Boards Failing to transmit unemployment insurance payments, income tax deductions and Canada Pension payments to the proper authorities on behalf of your employees



You are accused of the illegal entry of millions of Canadian homes on December 25 of each year



Violating the Federal Anti-Combines Investigation Act by operating a tight monopoly



Failing to file a flight plan for your travels



Failing to equip your vehicle with seat belts or properly fitting your reindeer with emission control devises Not declaring as taxable income the cookies and milk left for you by millions each year



Illegally competing with the Canadian Post Office, and possible breaking drug laws by administering an unauthorized drug to Rudolph to make his nose light up



And finally, parking in a no parking zone, namely rooftops, and having no record of either a drivers or pilots licence ever being issued to a Mister Claus in any of the ten provinces and two territories.



Faced with all these accusations and understanding their severity, have you any statement to make before I . . . wish you a . . Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year and dismiss these charges?