Old and New Jokes

Alternative Medical Terms

————————- Benign…………….What you be after you be eight.

Artery…………….The study of paintings.

Bacteria…………..Back door to cafeteria.

Barium…………….What doctors do when patients die.

Cesarean Section……A neighborhood in Rome.

Cat scan……………Searching for kitty.

Cauterize………….Made eye contact with her.

Colic……………..A sheep dog.

Coma………………A punctuation mark.

D & C……………..Where Washington is.

Dilate…………….To live long.

Enema……………..Not a friend.

Fester…………….Quicker than someone else.

Fibula…………….A small lie.

Genital……………Non-Jewish person.

G.I. Series………..World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail…………..What you hang your coat on.

Impotent…………..Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain…………Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff………A Doctors cane.

Morbid…………….A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates…………..Cheaper than day rates.

Node………………Was aware of

Outpatient…. …….A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear….. …….A fatherhood test.

Pelvis…………….Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative……..A letter carrier.

Recovery Room………Place to do upholstery.

Rectum…………….Darn near killed him.

Secretion………….Hiding something.

Seizure……………Roman emperor.

Tablet…………….A small table.

Terminal Illness……Getting sick at the Bus Station

Tumor……………..More than one.

Urine……………..Opposite of youre out.

Varicose…………..Near by/close by.

Vein………………Conceited.