what if you were fixing a bowl of cereal and when you took the first bite, it was PORKIN beans and cereal?

What if your knees were coconuts?

What if you opened up your backpack and there was an evil, bloody baby inside?

What if you were eating a candy bar and it had PORKIN beans instead of peanuts?

What if somebody stabbed you in your asshole with a used cake knife?

What if a gross, hairy eyeball was crawling up your leg?

What if you took a shower with a stinking, dead heart of an armadillo instead of soap?

What if you were stuck in a small, pitch-black closet with a thousand nasty sewer rats, and they were crawling over your body, especially your knees, neck, and mouth?

What if you were brushing your hair with a used tampon?

What if you bit into an apple and it was filled with cottage cheese – small curd?

What if you were ugly?

What if you were having sex with a diseased billy goat?

What if you took a bath in sweat from a woman named Bertha?

What if you had fresh produce and this sweaty cashier with nastiness on his hands touched it?

What if your skin was peanut brittle?

What if your skin was stucco?

What if your toes were penises?

What if your gel deodorant was mayonnaise?

What if your nuts were bleeding bile?

What if your eyes were nipples?

What if (you were a woman) you took off your maxi pad and it had boo boo in the front of it?

What if someone put pepper in your cereal?

What if GOD was one of us?