Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razorblade.

Dont panic, Im coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?

Yes, I shaved with the electric razor.

Doctor, Doctor, Youve got to help me – I just cant stop my hands shaking!

Do you drink a lot?

Not really – I spill most of it!

A man speaks frantically into the phone, My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!

Is this her first child? the doctor queries.

No, you idiot! the man shouts. This is her husband!

The surgeon told his patient that woke up after having been operated:

Im afraid were going to have to operate you again. Because, you see, I forgot my rubber gloves inside you.

Well, if its just because of them, Id rather pay for them if you just leave me alone.

Doctor: Did you take the patients temperature?

Nurse: No. Is it missing?