Old and New Jokes

BOY : Since we met, I cant eat or drink…
GIRL : Why not ??
BOY : Im broke. BOY : May I hold your hand??
GIRL : No thanks, it isnt heavy. GIRL : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night??
BOY : What time was it?? GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me… GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, whats your phone number?? GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..
BOY : Dont you ever want to improve?? BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon?? SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. Hed forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth. Man : You remind me of the sea.
Woman : Because Im wild, romantic and exciting?
Man : NO, because you make me sick. Wife : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out
of the other.
Husband : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth. Mary : John says Im pretty. Andy says Im ugly. What do u think, Peter?
Peter : A bit of both. I think youre pretty ugly. Jimmy : Mom, can I have two piece of cake?
Mom : Certainly. Take this piece and cut it in two. Sam : I hate to see a girl standing in a bus when I comfortable seated.
Lily : So what do you do?
Sam : I close my eyes. Teacher : Have you given the goldfish fresh water?
Pupil : No, Sir. They havent finished the water I gave them last week. Mom : Why are you wiping the floor with that cake?
Son : Well, its a sponge cake, isnt it? It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. What are you charged with? he asked.
Doing my Christmas shopping early, replied the defendant.
Thats no offense, replied the judge. How early were you doing this shopping?
Before the store opened, countered the prisoner.