What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk.

Why was the Tomato blushing?

Because he saw the salad dressing.

A termite walks into a barroom and asks,

Is the bar tender here?

Why didnt the skeleton cross the road?

Because he/she had no guts!

What do John the Baptist & Winnie the Pooh have in common?

Their middle name.

Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book?

They all have phones.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck!

Why dont cannibals eat comedians?

Because they taste funny.

A skeleton is in a bar. He goes up to the bar.

A pint of lager and a mop please.

Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.

Yes sir, its fresh ground.

Whats brown and sticky?

A stick.

A horse walks into a bar, the barman says

why the long face?

Why are proctologists so gloomy?

They always have the end in sight.

What do you give an elephant with diarreha?

Lots of Room

What does mozart do now that he is dead?

He decomposes.

Why do they put bells on cows?

Because their horns dont work!

Two sausages are in a pan. One looks at the other and says god its hot in here, and the other sausage says…

OH MY GOD ITS A TALKING SAUSAGE!