Two redneck wives were drinking tea and the one noticed that the other was pregnant.

We dont have to worry about that! said one, pointing to her friends tummy. For years now we are using the Bucket and saucer method of contraception.

And what may that be? asked the pregnant one.

You see, my husband is quite short. So we do it standing up and he stands on a bucket to reach. So I watch him, and when his eyes get big as saucers, I kick the bucket out from under him!