Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. –Douglas Adams, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it. –Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. –Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.

Alliance, n.: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each others pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third.
–Ambrose Bierce, The Devils Dictionary

Boundary, n.: In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another. –Ambrose Bierce, The Devils Dictionary

Peace, n.: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. –Ambrose Bierce, The Devils Dictionary

In politics stupidity is not a handicap. –Napoleon Bonapart

Its amazing how many people beat you at golf now that youre no longer president. –George Bush

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them
pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. –Winston Churchill

Congressmen have been bought and sold so many times they should have bar codes. –Contemporary Comedy

When I was a boy I was told anybody could become President; Im
beginning to believe it. –Clarence Darrow

All a man needs to be elected President is the kind of profile that looks good on a postage stamp. –B.B. Franklin

Ninety percent of politics is deciding who to blame. –Meg Greenfield, in Newsweek

Every politician who runs for the presidency says he wants to turn the
country around. Thats why we have so many problems. The countrys been
turned around so many times, its going in circles. –Joe Hickman

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot have a nativity scene in
Washington, D.C. this Christmas. This wasnt for any religious reasons.
They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin. –Steven Israel

Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm. –John F. Kennedy

I voted for the Democrats because I didnt like the way the Republicans were
running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in
the head to stop your headache. –Jack Mayberry

Former President Carter said that Bill Clinton brought
disgrace to the White House with his last minute pardon of
Marc Rich. After hearing this, President Clinton denied the
accusation and said that was not how he brought disgrace to
the White House. –Conan OBrien

Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs. –P.J. ORourke

When I die, I want to be buried in Chicago so I can still be active in politics. –Representative Charlie Rangel

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. –Ronald Reagan

My fellow Americans, Ive signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes. –Ronald Reagan, about to go on the air for a radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on

I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have
looked like if Moses had run them through the US congress. –Ronald Reagan

I have left orders to be awakened at
any time in case of national emergency,
even if Im in a cabinet meeting. –Ronald Reagan

Politics aint worrying this country one-tenth as much as where to find a parking space. –Will Rogers

Theres no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. –Will Rogers

When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer Present or Not guilty. –Theodore Roosevelt

The most successful politician is he who says what everybody is thinking most often and in the loudest voice. –Theodore Roosevelt

Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it. –George Bernard Shaw

In America, any boy may become president and I suppose thats just one of the risks he takes. –Adlai Stevenson

A politician is a statesman who approaches every question
with an open mouth. –Adlai Stevenson

After spending a year in Washington, I long for the realism and sensitivity of Hollywood. –Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson, also known for his acting career

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are
decent, hard-working, honest Americans. Its the other lousy
two percent that get all the publicity. But then – we elected
them. –Lily Tomlin

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. –Mark Twain

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. –Mark Twain (Puddnhead Wilsons New Calendar)

President Thieu says hell quit if he doesnt get more than 50% of the vote. In a democracy, thats not called quitting. –The Washington Post

Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. –E. B. White

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. –Oscar Wilde

An American is a person who isnt afraid to criticize the President but is always polite to traffic cops. –Unknown

Every baby born in America is endowed with life, liberty, and a share of the national debt. –Unknown

In politics everything is possible — until you get elected. –Unknown

No mans life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. –Unknown

Politics is like coaching a football team. You have to be smart enough to understand the game but not smart enough to lose interest. –Unknown

A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other. –Unknown

The head of a goverment office retired recently. His staff threw a party for him, gave him a watch, and told him what his job had been. –Unknown