You think proletariat is a type of cheese.

Youve named your kids Deduction one and Deduction two

Youve tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just
allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

Youve ever referred to someone as my (insert racial or ethnic minority
here) friend

Youve ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.

Youre a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

You think Huey Newton is a cookie.

The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, theyre
richer than you.

You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.

You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.

You call mall rent-a-cops jack-booted thugs.

Youve ever referred to the moral fiber of something.

Youve ever uttered the phrase, Why dont we just bomb the sons of
bitches.

Youve ever said, I cant wait to get into business school.

Youve ever called a secretary or waitress Tootsie.

You answer to The Man.

You dont think The Simpsons is all that funny, but you watch it
because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

You fax the FBI a list of Commies in my Neighborhood.

You dont let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and
Ernie of sexual deviance.

You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain,
little woman, old lady, tax credit…

You scream Dit-dit-ditto while making love.

Youve argued that art has a moral foundation set in Western values.

When people say Marx, you think Groucho.

Youve ever yelled, Hey hippie, get a haircut.

You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your
home.

Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.

You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in
America.

Youve ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.

Youve ever said Clean air? Looks clean to me.

Youve ever referred to Anita Hill as a lying bitch while attending a
Bob Packwood fund-raiser.

You spent MLK Day reading The Bell Curve.

Youve ever called education a luxury.

You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.

You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.

You came of age in the 60s and dont remember Bob Dylan.

You own a vehicle with an Ollie North: American Hero sticker.

Youre afraid of the liberal media.

You ever based an argument on the phrase, Well, tradition dictates….

Youve ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of
pornographers.

You think all artists are gay.

You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch lives in a trash can because
he is lazy and doesnt want to contribute to society.

Youve ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when
they dont even have shoes.

You confuse Lenin with Lennon.

You cheer when a company announces layoffs because that means your
stock in that company will go up.