The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.

[Another quarter inch doesnt impress most women.]

A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m. p. h.

[Along with everything else in your mouth at the time.]

The condom – made originally of linen – was invented in the early 1500s.

[That same year men began asking, Put that on my WHAT?]

The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B. C.

[Does this explain Crocodile Dung Dee?]

Watch out for flying hockey pucks – they travel at up to 100 mph.

[Stand clear or youll get pucked.]

Americas first nudist organization was founded in 1929, by 3 men.

[3 very lonely men.]

98% of American drivers think they drive better than anyone else.

[The other 2% are NY cab drivers who know better.]

When hes feeling amorous, the male sea otter grabs the females nose with his teeth.

[When the female feel amorous, she grabs something else.]

In 1681, the last dodo bird died.

[He was 41 and his name was also Fred.]

A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesnt give her coffee.

[Its known as the Sanka clause.]

The Neanderthals brain was bigger than yours is.

[But he couldnt surf the Internet.]

Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesnt wear pants.

[All ducks in Finland wear pants.]

The average bank teller loses about $250 every year.

[Probably explains why banks have so many service charges.]

Howdy Doody had 48 freckles.

[And if you connect them, they spell Dummy.]

What color was Christopher Columbuss hair? Blonde.

[He was lost and wouldnt ask for directions; yep, a blonde male.]

In 1980, there was only one country in the world with no telephones – Bhutan.

[Residents had to go to another country to make 900 calls.]

The most extras ever used in a movie was 300,000, for the film Gandhi, in 1981.

[Union regulations required each one be listed in the credits.]

Every person has a unique tongue print.

[But would you want someone to ink yours?]

Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does.

[Even if you dont inhale.]

Womens hearts beat faster than mens.

[Even after death.]

When Bugs Bunny first appeared in 1935, he was called Happy Rabbit.

[Sales of fresh carrots jumped 46%.]

Pollsters say that 40% of dog and cat owners carry pictures of the pets in their wallets.

[But very few dogs or cats carry photos of their owners.]

Aztec emperor Montezuma had a nephew, Cuitlahac, whose name meant plenty of excrement.

[Coincidentally, this is also Rush Limbaughs nickname. ]

Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.

[His parents never bought him a night light.]

Bubble gum contains rubber.

[But should not be used as a condom.]

You can only smell 1/20th as well as a dog.

[Dogs compensate by smelling really bad.]

In high school, Robin Williams was voted Least Likely to Succeed.

[And most likely to grab himself.]

Only 55% of all Americans know that the sun is a star.

[74% think Madonna is.]

The sound of E. T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in Jell-o.

[I may never eat Jell-o again!]

The sex organ on a male spider is located at the end of one of its legs.

[A female spider has a 1 in 8 chance of getting pregnant.]

Even if you cut off a cockroachs head, it can live for several weeks.

[But it will hold a grudge much longer.]

Chicken soup was considered an aphrodisiac in the Middle Ages.

[Remember, when youre sick, Mother knows best.]

Most American car horns honk in the key of F.

[And we all know what the F represents.]

The world population of chickens is about equal to the world population of people.

[Curb foul population, choke a chicken today.]

Every time Beethoven sat down to write music, he poured ice water over his head.

[Brain freeze promotes creativity.]

In 75% of American households, women manage the money and pay the bills.

[25% of all Americans are bachelors.]

A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, IN.

[Joe Camel has never been to South Bend.]

About 70% of Americans who go to college do it just to make more money.

[The rest of them are avoiding reality for four more years.]

In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die.

[The winner had access to life-support equipment.]

Someone paid $14,000 for the bra Marilyn Monroe wore in Some Like It Hot.

[Madonna cone bras on sale in the lobby; $14.95.]

Some toothpastes contain antifreeze.

[Which explains why your teeth dont freeze in winter.]

Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.

[It had something to do with his hating his mother.]

Millie the White House dog earned more than 4 times as much as President Bush in 1991.

[Obviously Millie did more than Bush.]

Bird droppings are the chief export of Nauru, an island nation in the Western Pacific.

[What is the advantage of a bird thats been dropped?]

There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones.

[There are also more Elvis impersonators than real ones.]

Most lipstick contains fish scales.

[Even though most fish dont wear lipstick.]

Spotted skunks do handstands before they spray.

[Who volunteers to confirm this?]

Hypnotism is banned by public schools in San Diego.

[You are getting sleepy. . . you will dismiss class early. . .]

The three best-known western names in China: Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley.

[Well, 2 out of 3 aint bad.]

When snakes are born with two heads, they fight each other for food.

[The same is true for people.]