Old and New Jokes

* Ill get a world record for this.
* Let me reach in and get your watch out of the printing press.
* Lets ask that group of basketball players for directions.
* Heres my Kent State student ID.
* Its fireproof.
* Hes probably just hibernating.
* What does this button do?
* Im making a citizens arrest.
* So, youre a cannibal.
* Its probably just a rash.
* Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?
* The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
* Pull the pin and count to what?
* Which wire was I supposed to cut?
* I wonder where the mother bear is.
* Ive seen this done on TV.
* These are the good kind of mushrooms.
* Ill hold it and you light the fuse.
* You look just like Charles Manson.
* Rat poison only kills rats.
* It cant possibly rain for forty days and nights
* Give me liberty or give me death.
* Its strong enough for both of us.
* This doesnt taste right.
* I can make this light before it changes.
* Nice doggie.
* I can do that with my eyes closed.
* Ive done this before.
* Well, weve made it this far.
* Thats odd.
* Ill just slip into the commuter lane for a second.
* OK this is the last time.
* Dont be so superstitious.