A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothings even moving.

He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, Excuse me, Officer, whats the hold up?

The Officer replies, The President is just so depressed about the impeachment thing he stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and hes threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesnt have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers. Im walking round taking up a collection for him.

Oh really? How much have you collected so far?

So far only about three hundred gallons but Ive got a lot of folks still siphoning.