A Redneck Valentine

Collards is green

my dogs name is Blue

and Im so lucky

to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk

a-flapping in the breeze

Softer than Blues

and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,

which excite me in May.

You aint got no scales

but I luv you anyway.

Yore as satisfyn as okry

jist a-fryn in the pan.

Yore as fragrant as snuff

right out of the can.

You have soma yore teeth,

for which I am proud;

I hold my head high

when were in a crowd.

On special occasions,

when you shave under yore arms,

well, Im in hawg heaven,

and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,

they all want to know,

what I did to deserve

such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape

yore there fer yore man,

to patch up lifes troubles

and fix what you can.

Yore as cute as a junebug

a-buzzin overhead.

You aint mean like those far ants

I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth

like a plaid flannel shirt,

you spark up my life

more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight

like a padded gunrack,

my life is complete;

Aint nuttin I lack.

Yore complexion, its perfection,

like the best vinyl sidin.

despite all the years,

yore age, it keeps hidin.

Me n yous like a Moon Pie

with a RC cold drank,

we go together

like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate

for Valentines Day;

They git it at Wal-Mart,

its romantic that way.

Some men git roses

on that special day

from the cooler at Kroger.

Thats impressive, I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds

from a flea market booth.

Diamonds are forever,

they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,

these wont do.

Cause yore too special,

you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,

without taste nor odor,

more useful than diamonds…

Its a new trollin motor!!

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