29
Aug

Abbott and Costello Do UNIX

A Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question:
Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a
program ?
UNIX consul: Yes, thats correct.
Customer: No, what is it ?
UNIX consul: Yes.
Customer: So, which is the one ?
UNIX consul: No. which is used to find the program.
Customer: Stop this. Who are you ?
UNIX consul: Use who am i not who r yoo. You can also finger yoo to
get information about yoo.
Customer: All I want to know is what finds the revision code ?
UNIX consul: Use what.
Customer: Thats what I am trying to find out. Isnt that true ?
UNIX consul: No. true gives you 0.
Customer: Which one ?
UNIX consul: true gives you 0. which programname
Customer: Lets get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it?
UNIX consul: Type find / -name it -print to find it. Type what program
to get the revision code.
Customer: I want to find the revision code.
UNIX consul: You cant find revisioncode, you must use what program.
Customer: Which command will do what I need?
UNIX consul: No. which command will find command.
Customer: I think I understand. Let me write that.
UNIX consul: You can write that only if that is a user on your system.
Customer: Write what?
UNIX consul: No. write that. what program.
Customer: Cut that out!
UNIX consul: Yes. those are valid files for cut. Dont forget the options.
Customer: Do you always do this ?
UNIX consul: du will give you disk usage.
Customer: HELP!
UNIX consul: help is only used for Source Code Control System (SCCS).
Customer: You make me angry.
UNIX consul: No, I dont make me angry but I did make programname when
I was upset once.
Customer: I dont want to make trouble, so no more.
UNIX consul: No more? which will help you find more. Every system
has more.
Customer: Nice help! Im confused more now!
UNIX consul: Understand that since help is such a small program, it is
better not to nice help. and more now is not allowed but
at now is. Unless of course now is a file name.
Customer: This is almost as confusing as my PC.
UNIX consul: I didnt know you needed help with pc. Let me get you to the
Pascal compiler team.

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