Actual Control Tower Conversations

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November 22, 1996 – Any More Complaints? The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a 360 (do a complete circle, usually done to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a 360 in this airplane?

Without missing a beat the controller replied, Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth.
November 15, 1996 – What the…?! PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said Tower, this is United 586. Weve got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first.

The tower promptly cleared PSA fortakeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation.
November 8, 1996 – Which Exit Did You Say That Was? A DC-10 had an exceedingly long landing rollout after landing with his approach speed just a little too high…San Jose

Tower: American 751 Heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off of Highway 101 back to the airport.
November 1, 1996 – Ouch! Western Airlines had a term for its second officers. The term was GIB, and stood for Guy In Back. The term was strictly unofficial and was actually frowned upon by the management at Western. It seems that some wise-guy pilot had been browsing through a dictionary and had made the discovery that a gib is a castrated tomcat.
October 11, 1996 – What Is That Thang? It was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a Piper Malibu was being vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land at Kansas City…

KC Approach: Malibu three-two-Charlie, youre following a 727, one oclock and three miles.

Three-two-Charlie: Weve got him. Well follow him.

KC Approach: Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven oclock and three miles. Do you have that traffic?

Delta 105: (long pause and then in a thick southern drawl) Well… Ive got something down there. Cant quite tell if its a Malibu or a Chevelle, though.
September 6, 1996 – Mmmm-mmm, Good! Tower: Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7.

Eastern 702: Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure… by the way, as we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.

Tower: Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7… did you copy the report from Eastern?

Continental 635: Continental 635, cleared for takeoff… and yes, we copied Eastern and weve already notified our caterers.
June 28, 1996 – No, Thats not what I Said! OHare Approach Control: United 329, traffic is a Fokker, one oclock, 3 miles, eastbound.

United 329: Approach, Ive always wanted to say this… Ive got that Fokker in sight.

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