Actual quotes by dumb lawyers

1. Now, doctor, isnt it true that when a person

dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes

quietly away and doesnt know anything about it

until the next morning?

2. Q: What heppened then?

A: He told me, he says, I have to kill you because

you can identify me.

Q: Did he kill you?

3. Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

4. The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

5. Were you alone or by yourself?

6. How long have you been a French Canadian?

7. Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

8. Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize

that picture.

A: Thats me.

Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

9. Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

10. Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage


A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

11. Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?

A: Ill be three months on November 8.

Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?

A: Yes.

Q: What were you doing at that time?

12. Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?

A: I used to be.

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

13. So you were gone until you returned?

14. Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there girls?

15. You dont know what it was, and you didnt know what

it looked like, but can you describe it?

16. Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?

A: Yes.

Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

17. A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of

unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself

and said, Your Honor, Id like to strike the next


18. Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you

examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel?

A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?

A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering

why I was doing an autopsy!

19. Have you ever thought of committing unvoluntary manslaughter?

20. Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury! Please take a long,

hard look at this alleged repeat sex offender….

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