AD&D Monster Manual appendum

[Note – a few years old, and a search didnt reveal either a copyright or an
attribution. Earliest claim I could find was dated Aug 1993 by
drow@mindvox.phantom.com – ed]

AD&D Monster Manual IV


CLIMATE/TERRAIN: Nine Hells, Gehenna, Hades, The Abyss, PBS
FREQUENCY: Very rare or daily at 4 pm
DIET: Little childrens minds
INTELLIGENCE: Insipid (-12)
TREASURE: Merchandising contracts
ALIGNMENT: Purple evil

NO. APPEARING: 1 (may be attended by 1-100 Barney zombies, see below)
ARMOR CLASS: 10 (big and plush)
THAC0: 12
DAMAGE/ATTACK: 1-10 (x2)
SPECIAL ATTACKS: Hug (damage 3-30)
SPECIAL DEFENSES: Aura of intolerable idiocy
SIZE: L (8 tall)
MORALE: Stupid (30)
XP VALUE: 4,000

Barney is a demon from the lower planes, a great purple and plush deformed
dinosaur. It is the enemy of intelligent lifeforms, eternally seeking out
small children and feeding on their natural intelligence and curiousity.

Combat: Barney will normally attack with its two great paws, each
1-20 points of damage. If a victim is struck with either paw and fails a
saving throw versus paralyzation, they are dragged to Barney and may be hugged
next round. A hug inflicts 3-30 points of damage each round until the victim
or Barney is killed.
Barney may also utter a Power word I love you once every three rounds.
Any adults hearing the power word must save versus spells or flee in terror
for 1-6 rounds. Any child hearing the power word must save versus spells or
be controlled by Barney. He or she will thereafter follow Barneys commands
with a delightful smile, and is subject to continued brainwashing. Each
day that a child is in Barneys control they may be taught another lesson by
Barney, decreasing their intelligence and wisdom by 1. When either stat
reaches zero, the child becomes a mindless Barney zombie! Barney zombies
follow his commands with love and a delightful smile, and eagerly spend gold
coins on Barney merchandise.
Barney is constantly surrounded by an aura of intolerable idiocy. Any
individual within 20 must save versus spells once per round or lose 1 point
of intelligence. When intelligence reaches zero, the victim falls to the
ground in a quivering, gibbering wreck. Intelligence may be regained at the
rate of 1 point per day afterwards. In addition, the aura tends to make
spells go awry, tactics to fail, and mundane items to become intelligent
with their own insipid personalities.

Habitat/Society: Barney resides in a great temple and television studio on
the lowest plane of the Abyss, with areas extending into every lower plane
and prime material plane via transdimensional gates. He is constantly
surrounded there by 1-100 Barney zombies clutching plush dolls and lollipops,
which they may use as +2 maces in combat.

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