This year The Frumious Bandersnatch highlights some of the more arcane or utterly worthless things you can give as a Christmas gift:

PHOTO PANTIES:

Have your picture silk screened onto your girlfriends panties for only $19.95. You can imagine all the creative purposes this can be put to.

YOU DONT KNOW JACK II:

The new edition of this game is designed for know-it-alls and includes questions about subjects such as the difference between Visigoths and Ostergoths that are sure to stump them.

FREE BAJA ARIZONA BUMPER STICKERS:

We still have a supply of our non-waterproof bumper stickers that melt away at the first drop of rain. Good for use only in extremely arid regions.

WAX BULLETS:

Perfect for shooting insects inside your house, our wax bullets come in 22 and 38 caliber sizes.

LIVE TUMBLEWEEDS:

Decorate your house in Southwestern style with our live tumbleweeds. Only $44.00.

MARS LANDERS:

NASA is offering its surplus Mars Landers for only $37 million each. Guaranteed to vanish into interstellar space if launched.

VARIOUS ICBMs:

The Russian Strategic Rocket Forces is offering up to 32,000 intercontinental ballistic missiles for sale at bargain basement prices if purchased before December 31st. None are Y2K1 compliant. (them Russkys … always a year late!)

STUFFED PYGMY OWLS:

The Tucson Homebuilders Association has stuffed pygmy owls for sale. The endangered owls, which have shut down the home-building industry in that city, are great for use in stopping growth in your community. Complete with taped mating calls.

RAIN SOUNDS:

Great for drought-ridden areas, our CD is rain falling on the roof will allow you to pretend your local water supply will not vanish.

MONICA MASKS:

We still have a supply of Monica Lewinsky masks left over from Halloween. Great for scaring your boss.

GDU DIPLOMAS:

Our offer of free General Delivery University college diplomas is about to expire one of these years.

(c) Baja Arizona Publishing Company

Frumious Bandersnatch