Old and New Jokes

1. Weigh yourself
fully clothed after dinner and again the next morning without clothes
and before breakfast, because its nice to see how much weight youve
lost overnight!
2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
3. When weighing, remove everything, including eyeglasses. In this case,
blurred vision is an asset. Dont forget to remove jewellery as it could
weigh as much as a pound!
4. Buy only cheap scales, never the medical kind. Accuracy is the enemy
and high quality scales are very accurate.
5. Always go to the bathroom first.
6. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for up to half a pound
of hair (hopefully).
7. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale. (Air has
weight, right?)
8. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto a towel
rod slowly edge your other foot onto the scale while slowly releasing
the towel rod. Admittedly, this takes time, but its worth it. You will
weigh at least two pounds less than if youd stepped onto the scale normally.