Birth Order: Satire From a Youngest Child

Feeling the Baby Move

First Child: I placed my hand on my wifes tummy every
chance I could for two months waiting for that first time when I could
feel the baby move. Hours upon hours I waited until that magic moment,
when I felt this little movement. We called all of our relatives to tell
them about the blessed experience.

Second Child: When it first happened, my wife called
me at the office. I quickly ran home and felt the baby move. We included
the experience in all of our letters to our family.

Third Child: She told me the baby moved. I told her I
would check it out during the next commercial break. I missed out because
her mother called on the telephone so I went on watching Monday night
football. By the end of the third quarter, I finally felt the baby move.

Fourth Child: We were in bed and I was trying to
sleep. I turned to her and said Cant you make your tummy stay still? Im
trying to sleep. When it became clear that the baby would be jumping
around for a while, we called the pizza man for a delivery.

The Trip to the Hospital

First Child: Every time we felt the slightest B&H
contraction, we rushed to the hospital. I would carry my wife to the car
and lay her down in the back seat surrounded by pillows.

Second Child: We timed the contractions. By the time
she had three in thirty minutes, we rushed to the hospital. She sat in
the front seat, with it leaned back and a pillow behind her head and
another at her feet.

Third Child: I came home from the office as soon as
she started having regular contractions. When they were five minutes
apart and hard, we went to the hospital. I gave her a pillow to hold
along the way.

Fourth Child: When she called me at the office and
told me that she was having contractions hard and five minutes apart, I
told her to drive herself because I didnt want her bleeding on the

Pacifier Falls on Floor

First Child: Mother picks it up, runs to the kitchen
and disinfects it by boiling in water for ten minutes. Then, after it
cools down for ten minutes, she gives it back to the child.

Second Child: Mother picks it up, washes it off in
hot water, blows on it to cool it down, and gives it back to the child

Third Child: Mother picks it up, licks it off, and
gives it back to the child.

Fourth Child: Dog picks it up and licks it off.
Mother gives it back to the child.

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