Old and New Jokes

***Top 17 fatal things to say if your wife is pregnant***



17. I finished the Oreos.

16. Not to imply anything, but I dont think the kid weighs 40 pounds.

15. Yknow, looking at her, youd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!

14. I sure hope your thighs arent gonna stay that flabby forever!

13. Well, couldnt they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl!

12. Darned if you aint about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella.

11. Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, thats gotta hurt.

10. Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!

9. Im jealous! Why cant men experience the joy of childbirth?

8. Are your ankles supposed to look like that?

7. Get your *own* ice cream.

6. Geez, youre awfully puffy looking today.

5. Got milk ?

4. Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney.

3. Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!

2. Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water…



And the Number 1 Fatal Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant:



1. You dont have the guts to pull that trigger…