yo mama so fat she has more rolls then a bakery.

One day there was a little puppy dog laying beside one of the rails on a railroad track.

He fell asleep,and while he was sleeping his tail ended up on the rail, and by that time a train came along and cut off his tail,he look around to see what happen and the train cut off his head——

Do you know what the moral of the story is?

Dont lose your head over a little piece of tail !!

A: Holes all over Australia.

Q. If theres H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, whats on the outside?A. K9P

Q: What did the duck say when he got hit by a boat in the lake

A: Quack. What did you think he said?

There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted 240-S.

The dealer asks, Why S?

The snail replies, S stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know whos driving.

Well, the dealer doesnt want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.

The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, theyd say Wow! Look at that S-car go!

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, Hey, we have a drink named after you! The grasshopper looks surprised and says, You have a drink named Steve?

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while hes drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyones amazement, and somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, Did you see what your monkey did?

The guy says, No, what?

He just ate the cue ball off my pool table – whole!

Yeah, that doesnt surprise me, replied the guy. He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. Ill pay for everything.

The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.

Two weeks later, hes in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. Did you see what your monkey did now? he asks.

No, what? replied the guy. Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ass, pulled it out and ate it! said the bartender.

Yeah, that doesnt surprise me, replied the guy. He still eats everything in sight but, ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first.

Q. Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat? A. Because he was pissed off!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

GEORGE W. BUSH
I dont think I should have to answer that question.

AL GORE
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken
crossing the road represented the application of these two different
functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater
services to the American people.

RALPH NADER
The chickens habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by
unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled
habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels
of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing
order at the farmers market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a
certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay! Isnt it obvious? Cant you people see the
plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other
side. Thats what they call it -the other side. Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say
we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal
media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without
having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didnt ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us
that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS
Isnt that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken
tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it suffered a
serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of
crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.

VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death
its right to do it.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the
chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?
Could you define chicken please?

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?