One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouses confidence with some cheese and then took him next door.

The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Sheppard. The man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his discovery. He rushed home and woke up his wife but before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her head with the blanket.

Dont be afraid, darling, said the man. Wait until I tell you about this.

Get out of here! cried his wife. And take that sex maniac with you!

A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, Im so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died.
The man was very upset and yelled, You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldnt come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away.

The brother thought about it and apologized.

So hows Mom? asked the man.

Shes on the roof and wont come down.

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later. At the seance, she called out, John, John, this is Martha. Do you hear me? A ghostly voice answered her, Yes Martha, this is John. I can hear you. Martha tearfully asked, Oh John, what is it like where you are? Its beautiful. There are azure skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time. What do you do all day? asked Martha. Well, Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and theres nothing but making love until noon. After lunch, we nap until two and then make love again until about five. After dinner, we go at it again until we fall asleep about 11 p.m.

Martha was somewhat taken aback. Is that what heaven really is like? Heaven? Im not in heaven, Martha. Well, then, where are you? Im a rabbit in Arizona.

Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
Im a big girl I wont cry,
Im just glad that cows dont fly.

A: To help the patient find the other side.

A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. "I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation.""Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again."What was that for?" he complained."Your dog called last night."

After a long day at the office, Chris came home one day to find his dog with the neighbor’s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit was obviously dead. Chris panicked!
If my neighbors find out my dog killed their bunny, theyll hate me forever, he thought. So he took the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house, gave it a bath and blow-dried its fur. Chris knew his neighbors kept their backdoor open during the summer, so he snuck inside and put the bunny back into the cage, hoping his neighbors would think it died of natural causes.

A couple of days later Chris and his neighbor saw each other outside.Did you hear that Fluffy died? the neighbor asked.
Oh. Uhmm… Sorry to hear that. What happened? Chris mumbled. The neighbor replied: We just found him dead in his cage one day. But the strange thing is that the

day after we buried him, we went out to dinner and someone must have dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage! There are some really sick people out there!

A: To corrupt the other side.

A: Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.

A young boy, about seven years old, was at the corner grocery picking out a box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

No laundry the boy said, Im going to wash my dog.

But you shouldnt use this to wash your dog. Its very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, hell get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

Oh, he died, the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog.

The boy replied, I dont think it was the detergent that killed him.

Oh, What was it then? I think it was the spin cycle!