A little boy asked his mum if he could go in the bath with her and she said sure as long as you dont look under the bubbles so he looked under the bubbles and said mum whats that and his mum said its a forest.

A week later he asked his dad if he could go in the bath with him and his dad said sure as long as you dont look under the bubbles so he looked under the bubbles and said dad whats that and his dad said its a snake.

A week later the boy asked his nan if he could go in the bath with her she said sure as long as you dont look over the bubbles so he looked over the bubbles and said nan whats that and his nan said there my light bulbs.

That very evening he had a nightmare so he went to his mums bedroom and said mum ive had a nightmare can i sleep in your bed and she said course as long as you dont look under the covers and he looked under the covers and shouted NAN TURN YOUR LIGHT BULBS ON THE SNAKES GOING IN THE FOREST

very nation has to write a book about the Elephant:

The French book – The Sex Life of the Elephant or: 1000 ways to cook Elephant.

The English book – Elephants I have shot on Safari.

The Welsh book – The Elephant and its influence on Welsh language and culture or: Oes ysgol tocynnau eleffant llanfairpwll nhadau coeden.

The American book – How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants.

The Japanese book – How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants.

The Greek book – How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of Money.

The Finnish book – What Do Elephants Think about Finnish People.

The German book – A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-
6.

The Icelandic book – Defrosting an Elephant.

The Swiss book – Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal Went With His Elephants.

The Canadian book – Elephants: A Federal or State Issue?

The Swedish book – How to reduce your taxes with an elephant.

What do you get when you cross a dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver!

Q) What do you call a dog with no legs?

A) It doesnt matter, he wont come!

A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, May I help you, sir?
The duck says, Yeah. Help me get this human out of my ass.

First guy (proudly): My wifes an angel!
Second guy: Youre lucky, mines still alive.

Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?
A: Theyre all on the same team.

Q: How do you know if theres an elephant in bed with you?
A: She has a big E on her pajama jacket pocket.

Q: Why wont they allow elephants in public swimming pools?
A: Because they might let down their trunks.

Q. Why do elephants have four feet? A. Because lady elephants have big twats.

Q: What do elephants use for tampons?
A: Sheep.

Q: What do elephants use for condoms?
A: Snakes.

Q: What do elephants use for vibrators?
A: Epileptic pigmies.

Q: Why do elephants have long trunks?
A: Cos sheep dont have strings.

Q: How do you know when an elephant has its period?
A: There is a quarter on your dresser and your mattress is missing.

Q: What is an elephants sex organ?
A: His foot… If he steps on you youre FUCKED!

Q: What do you call any elephant who is an expert on skin disorders?
A: A pachydermatologist.

Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a hooker?
A: A two-ton pickup.

Q: What did the female elephant say during sex?
A: Can I be on top this time?

Q: What did the elephant say to the nude man?
A: Cute, but can you breathe through it?

A man follows a woman out of a movie theater. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says:

I’m sorry to bother you, but I couldn’t help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Don’t you find that unusual? Yes, she replied, I find it very unusual… He hated the book!

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the Chicken, Thou shalt cross the road! And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

AGENT MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesnt anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, Why did the chicken cross the road? Rather, it is, Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didnt ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this questions denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road; it transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

WHY DID THE PIGGY POOPED.
IT REALLY DIDNT POOPED ITS JUST MUD.