A: They crossed a pit bull with a collie; it bites your leg off and goes for help.

A: Because it was a double-crosser.

A veterinarian got a phone call at midnight one night.

The woman on the other end of the phone said, My wee puppy is together with the dog from next door and I cant get them apart.

The vet asked her if she tried throwing a bucket of water on them.

She said Yes, but it didnt work.

He said, Did you try hitting them with a broom.

She said, Yes, but that didnt work either.

He then said, Well Maam heres what you do. Hang up. Ill call you back. When the phone rings, they will separate.

She said, Do you really think that will work?

He said, Well it just did for me!

A: A watch dog.

A: To take over the other side.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How the hell do you breath out of that thing?

Q: Why did the cat cross the road?
A: It was the chicken’s day off.

It was spring in the old west.
The cowboys rode the still snow choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter.

As one cowboys horse went around the narrow trail, it came upon a rattlesnake warming itself in the spring sunshine. The horse reared and the cowboy drew his six-gun to shoot the snake.

Hold on there, partner, said the snake, dont shoot- Im an enchanted rattlesnake, and if you dont shoot me, Ill give you any three wishes you want.

The cowboy decided to take a chance. He knew he was safely out of the snakes striking range. He said, OK, first, Id like to have a face like Clark Gable, then, Id like a build like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally, Id like sexual equipment like this here horse Im riding.

The rattlesnake said, All right, when you get back to the bunk house youll have all three wishes.

The cowboy turned his horse around and galloped at full speed all the way to the bunk house. He dismounted on the run and went straight inside to the mirror.

Staring back at him in the mirror was the face of Clark Gable.

He ripped the shirt off his back and revealed bulging, rippling muscles, just like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Really excited now, he tore down his jeans, looked at his crotch and shouted…

Oh My God… I was riding the MARE!

There was a farmer. He had alot of chickens but had no roosters.

So in order to get eggs he went and got a rooster. The man he got the rooster form told him that the rooster would screw everything in sight. But the farmer wanted the rooster anyway.

So he took it home and it screwed all the chickens. After a while it started screwing all the other farm animals.

So one day the farmer walked up to the rooster and said,Ya better stop screwing everything or you will screw yourself to death! But the rooster just kept on screwing.

One day the farmer was walking through the field, and he found the rooster laying on the ground with buzzards flying all around.

So he walked up to the rooster and said,I told you youd screw yourself to death! then the rooster opened his eyes and said, – SHUT-UP! Im trying to get them to land!

Two morons stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms.

After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground.

Laying next to each other in intensive care at the hospital, one moron says to the other, I dont think much of this budgie jumping.

The other moron replies, Yeah, Im not too keen on this paragliding either.