What would happen if we priced our COWS using the same criteria the auto industry uses to price a CAR?

LIST PRICING A COW

A farmer had been taken several times by the local car dealer. One
day, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming over
to purchase a cow. The farmer priced his unit as follows:

BASIC COW………………………………………….$499.9
Shipping and handling…………………………………35.75
Extra Stomach………………………………………….79.25
Two Tone Exterior……………………………………142.10
Produce Storage Compartment…………………..126.50
Heavy Duty Straw Chopper………………………..189.60
Four Spigot/High Output Drain System………….149.20
Automatic Fly Swatter…………………………………88.50
Genuine Cowhide Upholstery………………………179.90
Deluxe Dual Horns……………………………………..59.25
Automatic Fertilizer Attachment……………………339.40
4X4 Traction Drive Assembly………………………884.16
Pre-delivery Wash and Comb………………………..69.80
______________________________________________

FARMERS SUGGESTED LIST PRICE: …….$2,843.3
Additional Dealer Adjustments: ……………………….300.00

TOTAL LIST PRICE (Including Options)………$3,143.36

A guy was stranded on a lonely island with only a pitbull and a pig for company. There was plenty of food and fresh water, so he was doing alright for a few months. But eventually the loneliness got to him, if you know what I mean.

The pig started to look more and more attractive – soft, pink skin, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy tried to make an advance towards the pig, the pitbull growled at him. Once he almost got bit. The guy was getting very frustrated.

One day a life raft washed ashore. In it was a beautiful unconscious woman. The guy carried her back to his hut and nursed her back to health. After a few days the woman regained her strength and said: Thank you, thank you so much for saving my life! I don’t know how I can ever repay you. I’ll do anything for you, anything you want! The guy thought for a moment and said, Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?

Your human walks into the kitchen. Does this mean?

a. Its hungry.
b. Its lost.
c. Youre hungry.
d. Let the begging begin.

Your human puts down a bowl of food for you. Is this?

a. Supper.
b. Something s/he obviously wouldnt eat.
c. Something to keep you going till suppers ready.
d. Inedible junk to be scorned in favor of what the humans eat.

Your human removes you from the top of the television. Does this mean?

a. Youre in trouble – better not do it again.
b. Nothing – humans do this from time to time.
c. The human wants to play, so climb up again to amuse it.
d. It is time to chew on the cable wire again.

Staircases are for:

a. Getting up to the humans bed at 4am.
b. Lying in wait in the dark at the top of.
c. Walking down just slower than the human in front of it.
d. All of the above.

Your human talks/yells at you. You should:

a. Listen intently, even if you dont understand.
b. Meow in acknowledgment and continue what you were doing.
c. Ignore him/her completely; youre a cat, they mean nothing.
d. Move on to the next annoying activity to encourage their talking behavior.

Phone and electrical cords and strings from fabrics are:

a. Important to humans and should be left alone.
b. Playthings and deserve your total attention; no matter what damage may result.
c. Annoying and should be removed immediately.

Birds, small rodents and large bugs should be:

a. Ignored (especially if your human wants them removed).
b. Played with until they stop playing.
c. Presented to your human as a proud trophy.
d. Hidden under your humans pillow for safe keeping.
e. Consumed for their nutritional value.

A human giving you a bath should be considered:

a. Under no circumstances.
b. Under no circumstances.
c. Under no circumstances.
d. An act of war.
e. All of the above.

Your humans value is limited to:

a. Providing food.
b. Providing water.
c. Letting you out.
d. Providing opposite-gender feline companionship.
e. Leaving you alone.
f. All of the above; if properly trained.

Dog Rules…

1. The dog is not allowed in the house.
2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The dog can get on the old furniture only.
5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only
9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.

A young girl is wandering through a park in the pouring rain, when she comes across 3 dogs. Being a bit of an animal lover, she approaches them, bends down and starts to stroke one of them: Ah, youre lovely, arent you? she says to the first dog. Whats your name? To her surprise, the dog actually answers her, My names Huey, and Ive had a great day going in and out of puddles.

Delighted with this discovery, she moves on to the next dog. And whats your name then? Again, unbelievably, the 2nd dog answers her, My names Lewy, and Ive had a great day going in and out of puddles. And so she moves on to the last dog. Let me guess, she says. your names Dewy, and youve had a great day going in and out of puddles.

No, replies the last dog. My names Puddles, and Ive had an awful day!

A panda bear walks into a bar, and tells the bartender that he wants to have lunch. The bartender gives him a menu and he orders.

The panda bear eats his lunch, and when he finishes, he gets up to leave. Suddenly, the panda bear pulls an AK-47 out of his fur, and shoots the bar to pieces. He then heads for the door.

The shocked bartender jumps out from behind the destroyed bar and yells, Hey, what do you think youre doing? You ate lunch, shot up my bar, and now youre just going to leave?

The panda bear answers calmlly, Im a panda bear. The bartender says, Yeah, so? The panda bear replies, Look it up, and walks out the door.

The bartender jumps back behind the ruined bar and grabs his encyclopedia. He looks up panda bear, and sure enough, there is a picture of the panda bear.

He reads the caption, which says, Panda Bear–a cuddly, black and white creature. Eats shoots and leaves.

A: To get to the car accident on the other side.

A: Chickens hadnt evolved yet.

A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.

A: To get to the other slide.