A: Look at the orange mama laid.

A: Chickens day off.

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com

Q. How many animals can you get into one pair of pantyhose?

A. Several. Ten little piggies, two calves, many hares, one ass and a beaver!

There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.

The first cow said, I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm.

The other cow replies, Hell, I aint worried, it dont affect us ducks!

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the dog, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please.

The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the dogs mouth, there is a ten dollar bill. So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places it in the dogs mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since its closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the dog.

So, off he goes. The dog is walking down the street and comes to a crossing. The dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. They do, and he walks across the road, with the butcher following.

The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this stage. The dog checks out the times, and sits on one of the seats to wait for the bus.

Along comes a bus. The dog walks to the front of the bus, looks at the number, and goes back to his seat. Another bus comes. Again the dog goes and looks at the number, notices its the right bus, and climbs on.

The butcher, by now open-mouthed, follows him onto the bus. The bus travels thru town and out to the suburbs. Eventually the dog gets up, moves to the front of the bus, and standing on his hind legs, pushes the button to stop the bus. The dog gets off, groceries still in his mouth, and the butcher still following.

They walk down the road, and the dog approaches a house. He walks up the path, and drops the groceries on the step. Then he walks back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door. He goes back down the path, takes another run, and throws himself -whap!- against the door again!

Theres no answer at the door, so the dog goes back down the path, jumps up on a narrow wall, and walks along the perimeter of the garden. He gets to a window, and bangs his head against it several times. He walks back, jumps off the wall, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts laying into the dog, really yelling at him.

The butcher runs up and stops the guy. What the heck are you doing? This dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for Gods sake!

To which the guy responds, Clever, my ass. This is the second time this week hes forgotten his key!

A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender give us two beers over here!

The bartender walks over and sees the octopus and he says, Didnt you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!

The man says to the bartender, oh but you dont understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have.

The bartender replied back, well Ill tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night!

The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar. He puts it down on the bar.

The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. Hes so good he sounded like Jimi Hendricks!

The bartender was amazed and says, alright lets try one more.
This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of bagpipes and promptly put them on the bar and says lets see him play this!

The octopus starts crawling all over the bagpipes. He continues this for quite awhile.

The bartender shouted out See I knew he couldnt play all these instruments!

And the man replies, Just give him a few more minutes…
as soon as he figures out he cant have sex with it, hell play it!

A lady approaches her priest and tells him Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.
What do they say? the priest inquired.
They only know how to say, Hi, were prostitutes. Want to have some fun?
Thats terrible! the priest exclaimed, but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship.
Thank you! the woman responded.
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priests house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say Hi were prostitutes, want to have some fun?
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!

why did the chicken cross go by the underpass?

How many skunks does it take to stink up a room?

A phew.

A blonde walks down the street and sees a banana peel a hundred yards ahead, and she sighs.
Here we go again.