There were two men sitting in a bar drinking. One man said to the other You know what? I know this bridge, where you can jump off and you bounce right back.

So the other man says, No way thats ridiculous. It simply cannot be possible.

The first replies, Come on, Ill show is to you then.

So the men, both quite tipsy, saunter out of the bar and walk to the bridge. When they arrive at the bridge the first man say’s, Here Ill show you how it works.

So he climbs up on the edge and jumps off. Seconds later low and behold the man seems to just bounce back up astounding the second man.

The second man says Hey man, do that again! I cant believe it… So the first jumps off again and immediately comes flying back up again.

After seeing this the second man decides to give it a try, after all it all seems quite safe, so he climbs up and jumps off.

After a few moments, the second man doesnt return, so the first man walks back to the bar, sits down and orders another drink.

The bartender after noticing the second man is missing, turns to the first man and says, Superman, youre so damn cruel when youre drunk!

Two small-town merchants were visiting New York City for the first time to attend a conference.

There was a large party thrown, with lots of food and drink. At the end of the party, they both staggered outside.

One guy crossed the street, while the other stumbled into a subway entrance.

When the 1st guy reached the other side of the street, he noticed the other emerging from the subway stairs.

Where ya been?

he slurred.

I dont know, gushed the other guy, but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar and my wife insisted I empty the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else… After careful consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. Then, I withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then, I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. Im not under the affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep I am. Im not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I dont know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.

…and ordered a triple scotch. As the bartender poured
the drink he remarked, Thats quite a heavy drink.
Whats wrong? After quickly downing his drink, the
man replies I got home and found my wife in bed with
my best friend. Wow exclaimed the bartender, as he
poured the man a second triple. No wonder you need
a stiff drink. The second triple is on the house.
As the man downed his second drink, the bartender asks
him What did you do? I walked over to my wife the
man replies, looked her straight in the eye and told
her that we were through and to pack her stuff and get
the hell out. That makes sense. said the bartender,
but what about your best friend? The man replied,
I walked over to him, looked him right in the eye and
said BAD DOG!

These two strangers are having a drink at a bar. The one orders a beer and drinks it down rightaway and then sighs with pleasure. He immedietly walks over to the window jumps out and floats to the ground. A minute later he walks back in and sits down next to the stranger. The stranger cant believe what he just saw and asks for an explanation. The other man explains that when ever he drinks this certain kind of beer it makes him feel so good he feels like floating. The stranger has heard enough and orders the same beer and drinks it right down goes over to the window and jumps out, splatt!!! The bartender looks over at the guy left at the bar and says, Superman sometimes youre such an ass.

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The
bartender says, No pets allowed.The man replied, This is a special dog. Turn on
the Jets game and youll see.The bartender, anxious to see what will happen,
turns on the game. The guy says, Watch. Whenever
the Jets score, my dog does flips.The Jets keep scoring field goals and the dog
keeps flipping and jumping. Wow! Thats one hell
of a dog you got there! What happens when the Jets
score a touchdown?The man replied, I dont know. Ive only had him
for 7 years!

A young man walked up and sat down at the bar. What can I get you? the bartender inquired.



I want 6 shots of Jagermeister, responded the young man.



6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?



Yeah, my first blowjob, the man answered.



Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house.



No offense, sir. But if 6 shots wont get rid of the taste, nothing will.

A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.

As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him.

The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, You sure are mean when youre drunk, Superman.

A hippopotamus walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. That will be $7.50 please says the bartender. So the hippo gives the bartender his money and starts to sip his beer. You know we dont very many hippos in here mutters the bartender.

The hippo replies, At these prices its no wonder!

Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard days work to relax. He noticed a man next to him order a shot and a beer. The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket. This continued several times before Joes curiosity got the best of him. He leaned over to the guy and said, “Excuse me, I couldnt help but notice your little ritual. Why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot and beer?” The man replied, “Theres a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts lookin good, Im headin home!”