Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the Empire State Building when the first man turns to the other and says, You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so

intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window.



The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.



The second guy says, What are you a nut? There is no way in hell that could happen.



No, its true, said the first man, let me prove it to you. He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and plummets to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.



He met the second man, who looked quite astonished. You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke.



No, Ill prove it again, says the first man as he jumps. Again just as he is hurling toward the street, the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window.



Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it. Well, what the hell, the second guy says, it works, Ill try it! He jumps over the balcony plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors …and hits the sidewalk with a splat.



Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker, saying You know, Superman, youre a real asshole when youre drunk.

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch ,asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be called for him? The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door.



A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the SIDE door of the bar.He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over and, still politely – but more firmly, refuses service to the man due to his inebriation, and again offers to call a cab. The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.



A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the BACK door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink. The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.



The surprised drunk looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries MAAAN! How many bars do you work at?

A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch.

The bartender thinks this guy doesnt know the difference, so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch.

The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!

Still unimpressed the bartender pours some 6-year old scotch.


The patron takes a sip…same reaction.

But the bartender still doesnt believe the patron knows the difference. So he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the patron.

Finally, the bartender is convinced. He pours the patron a glass of 12-year-old scotch. The patron takes a sip and is most satisfied.

All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching.

He slides a shot glass down the bar to the patron and drunkedly says:


Shay mishter, tashte this! The patron obliges…he promptly spits it out.

That tastes like pee!, he shoots back at the drunk.

The drunk replies: It ish. Now how old am I?

A man walks into a bar and says, Bartender, give me two shots.

Bartender says, You want them both now or one at a time?

The guy says, Oh, I want them both now. Ones for me and ones for this little guy here, and he pulls a 3 inch man out of his pocket.

The bartender asks He can drink?

Oh, sure. He can drink.

So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.

Thats amazing says the bartender. What else can he do, can he walk?

The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, Hey, Jake. Go get that.

The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter.

Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.

The bartender is in total shock.

Thats amazing he says, what else can he do? Does he talk?

The man says Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa hunting and you called that witch doctor a Nigger!

Having had one too many, a bar drinker was beginning to display an ugly side.

An unescorted female sat down beside him and he whispered to her, Hey ! How about it babe ? You and me ?

As she got up to move, he said loudly, Honey, you sure look like you could use the money, but I dont have an extra two dollars.

She looked back and replied just as loudly, What makes you think I charge by the inch ?

A man walks into a bar with a metal box under one arm and a duck under the other. The man walks up to the bar and asks the bar tender if you give me a free bottle of beer Ill show you my dancing duck. The barman is surprised, but gives the guy a bud and asks the bloke to show him the duck dancing. So the guy puts the metal box on the bar, and stands the duck on top of it. A few seconds later the duck starts to jump around, as if hes doing an Irish jig.

Everyone in the bar is now watching this duck dancing, and the barman offers the guy $50 for the duck and the box. The bloke accepts, and the pub is filled day and night for 3 days with people watching the amazing dancing duck.

So 3 days after he sold the barman the duck, the guy walks back in to the pub and sees his duck dancing on the box on top of the bar.

The barman sees the guy and offers him a bottle of bud on the house. As he gives the guy the bud, the barman asks, Could you tell me how you stop the duck from dancing on top of the box?

The man replies, Oh thats easy, you just take the hot coals out.

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window. The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.

The 2nd Man says: What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could happen.

1st Man: No its true let me prove it to you. So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.

The 2nd Man tells him: You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke.

1st Man: No, Ill prove it again and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.

2nd Man: Well what the heck, it works, Ill try it. So he jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors and hits the sidewalk with a splat.

Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker:

You know, Superman, youre a real jerk when youre drunk.

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.

The bartender says, Dang, why are you drinking so fast?

The guy says, You would be drinking fast if you had what I had.

The bartender says, What do you have?

The guy says, 75 cents.

A man goes into an empty bar and orders a beer, and as hes walking around he sees a table about 6 x 4 with some lines marked 6-10 from one edge.

Next to each line there are initials. So the man says to the bartender What are all those marks on that table?

Its a game the locals play, they pull out their dicks, stretch them a far as they can and mark a line.

This man is hung like a horse and reckons he can beat all the lines hes seen and asks if he can have a go, sure came the reply.

As he pulled out his dick its a clear winner by about 3. He starts to mark his line down when the bartender said: No mate, the locals start from the other side

Two fags walk into a gay bar. One fag says to the other, Do you cum here often?