An old hillbilly and his wife had never been more than 7 miles from their home in the East Tennesse Smokies. One day the man said to his wife, Honey, you know were not getting any younger and I sure would like to take a vacation and stay in one of those fancy hotels in the city before I die.

That sounded good to her so they started scrimping and saving. Four years later they had enough for them and their never-married adult son to go and spend 5 nights in a very posh hotel in the big city. They all piled into the mans old pickup and headed out.

When they got to the hotel the man said to his wife, Mama, you just wait in the truck. Junior and I will go in and be sure this is the right place.

When they stepped into the lobby they both thought they had died and gone to heaven. There were indoor streams and water fountains, polished marble and gleaming brass everywhere. But the most amazing thing of all was the elevators. They stood there and watched the lights flash, the doors open and close and people getting on and off.

A stooped over little lady who was 90 if she was a day approached the elevators and pushed the Up arrow. The door opened and she got on. The door closed. The lights above the door flashed. They flashed some more and the door opened. The most stunning 24-year-old, green-eyed blonde youve ever seen stepped off and went into the lounge. The son looked at his dad.

The dad looked at his son for just a second and then said, Son, go git yer Ma.

A policeman pulled a blonde over after shed been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.

Cop: Do you know where you were going?

Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad, cause all the people were leaving!

Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?

A1: So they dont shit everywhere when you pull their tits.

A2: So that when you pull their tits, they dont moo.

Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?

A: Theyre doing research on black holes.

This guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years.

One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, Its not a ship. The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, Its not a boat. The speck gets even closer and he thinks, Its not a raft.

Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, How long has it been since youve had a cigarette? Ten years!, he says.

She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, Man, oh man! Is that good! Then she asked, How long has it been since youve had a drink of whiskey? He replies, Ten years! She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says, Wow, thats fantastic ! Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, And how long has it been since youve had some REAL fun?

And the man replies, My God ! Dont tell me that youve got golf clubs in there!

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive
blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to
the mail box.

She opened it, then slammed it shut, and stormed back in the
house. A little later she came out of her house and again went to
the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out
again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it
closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked
her, Is something wrong?

To which she replied, There certainly is! My stupid computer
keeps giving me a message saying, YOUVE GOT MAIL!

Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?

A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Jokes.

A2: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

A blondes house is on fire. She calls 911 and says, My house is on

fire. The dispatcher says, Well, can you tell me how we get there?

Duhhhh, in the big red trucks, of course.

A: Thanks for the refill.