There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house, so she called the contractor and set an appointment to meet with him.

When the contractor came to her house they did a walk-through and he asked her what colors she would like. They came to the living room and she told him that she would like a nice, warm cream color.

The contractor wrote something down on his pad, then walked to the window and yelled, Greenside up!

The lady is a little confused, but doesnt say anything, and they continue to the dining room where she tells him, I would like a nice warm white in here, nothing stark.

The contractor writes something down on his pad, then walks to the window and again yells, Greenside up!

The lady is really confused now but still does not say anything. They continue to her bedroom and she says, I would like a nice, cool, relaxing blue in here.

The contractor writes something on his pad and again walks to the window and yells, Greenside up!

The woman is now totally perplexed and says to the contractor, Three times I have told you the color that I want, and you write something on your pad, then you walk to the window and yell greenside up. What is going on?

The contractor replies, Im sorry for any confusion. You see, I have four blondes laying sod across the street.

An accountant decided to leave his wife one day.

He left her a note saying:

Dear Jane, I am 54 years old and I have never done anything wild. So Im leaving you for an 18 year old blonde model. Well be staying at the Sheraton.

He then packed his things and went there. When he arrived at the Sheraton, there was a message for him from his wife. It read:

Dear John. I too am 54 years old. I have followed your example and am staying at the Hyatt with an 18 year old Italian hunk. And Im sure that you, as an accountant, will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times than 54 goes into 18!

Question: What do Barbie and Britney Spears have in common?

Answer: Both are blonde, brainless and made out of plastic!

Q: There are 17 blonds standing outside a disco but why couldnt they get in?
A: The sign said must be 18 to enter.

What is black, blue, red, and brown?

A Brewnette that has told to many Blonde Joke.

What does a brewnette always miss at a great party?

The invitation.

Why are blonde jokes so short?

So that brewnettes can understand them.

What is a fine lookin man with a brewnette?

A hostage.

A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were on a plane. The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them. The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped. The pope told the brunette to take the last one. The brunette said, There are still 2 parachutes left! The blonde took my backpack!

Q: Why does a blonde only change her babys diapers every month?
A: The instructions stated, good for up to 20 pounds.

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the no haggle attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, Maybe Ill just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!

The shopkeeper said, By all means, be my guest. Maybe youll luck out and catch yourself a big one!

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.

She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, This one isnt wearing any shoes either!

Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.

Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?

A: Gee, are you sure its mine?