A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?

The blonde said, How about 50 dollars? The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The mans wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?

The man replied, She should. She was standing on the porch.

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

Youre finished already? he asked. Yes, the blonde answered, and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. And by the way, the blonde added, thats not a Porch, its a Ferrari.

What do you call a zit on a blondes ass? Brain tumor.

QWhat do you get if one blonde blows into another blondes ear?

Adata transfer!

One day, a blondes neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying this time. I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!

A: Because she thought she was winning.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

A BLONDE WAS SITTING ON A PARK BENCH CRYING.I WALKED UP TO HER AND ASKED WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS? SHE REPLIED; MY DAD JUST DIED. IM SO SORRY I SAID ;YOU NEED TO TALK TO A FAMILY MEMBER ? SHE SAID YES AND I LET HER USE MY CELL PHONE. SHE CALLED HER SISTER AND AS SHE TALKED SHE BEGAN TO WEEP EVEN MORE. I ASKED WHAT WAS WRONG NOW? SHE SAID MY SISTERS DAD DIED TOO.

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.



What did the blonde say when he opened the box of Cheerios?

Oh, look! Doughnut seeds!



Why dont blondes eat pickles?

Because they cant get their head in the jar.



Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?

From eating with forks.



How did the blonde burn his nose?

Bobbing for french fries.



Did you hear about the blonde that ate rocky mountain oysters?

She was dragged 200 yards.



What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?

She peed on her corn flakes.



Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?

So they know if it is morning or afternoon.



Why dont blondes like buttered toast?

They cant figure out which side the butter goes on.

Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.

A blonde goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it. She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab, she begins screaming, I won a motor home! I won a motor home!

The waitress runs over and argues, Thats impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stero system!

The blonde replies, No. I won a motor home!

By this time, the manager makes his way over to the table, and he too argues, You couldnt possibly have won a motor home because we didnt have that as one of our prizes.

Again the blonde says, There is no mistake! I won a motor home!

The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, WIN A BAGEL.