A blonde and a brunette were sitting on the park bench when the brunette said, My boyfriend used to have dandruff but then I gave him head and shoulders.

The blonde said, How do you give a man shoulders?

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains I ask you a question, and if you dont know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa. Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, Okay, if you dont know the answer you pay me $5, and if I dont know the answer, I will pay you $50! figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match.
This catches the blondes attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. Whats the distance from the earth to the moon? The blonde doesnt say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, its the blondes turn. She asks the lawyer What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four? The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail.
After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, Well, so what IS the answer!?
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

A: Theres writing on the whiteout.

One morning this blonde calls her friend and says Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I cant figure out how to start it.

Her friend asks Whats the puzzle supposed to look like?
The blonde says From the picture on the box, its a tiger.

So, the blondes friend figures that hes pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to the table where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a minute, then studies the box. He then turns to her and says:

First, no matter what I do, Im not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.

Second, Id advise you to have a cup of coffee and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box!

OK, so theres this blonde driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. Shes cruisin about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her disliking, he is only going about 45.

To get the point across that she wants to get past, she decides to tailgate him. So, she gets to within a foot of his rear bumper. The trucker looks back and sees her on his ass, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks like a wave and she waves back.

Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little closer and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more visible in the process. Once again the trucker sees her on his ass, and this time motions for her to pull over to the side of the road.

The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside it.

The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to the blonde.

When he gets there, to his astonishment, she is rolling around on the street laughing hysterically.

He asks her, Why are you laughing? I just beat the crap out of your car!!

She is laughing too hard to respond, but between giggles he can make out, While you werent looking I stepped out of the circle!

Yo Mama sooo skinny, she can dodge rain drops.

yo mama is so fat she went to KFC and asked for the bucket on the roof.

Ya mama is so fat she sells shade in the summer.

Yo Mama is so UGLY when she jumped in the bath, the water jumped out.

Yo mamas so fat when she went on a diet Bluebell went outta business.

Yo mama so fat that she needs a solar panel to see her reflection!!!

Yo mama is so stupid she wants to be a blonde.

Yo mama so stupid she puts cheese by her computer to feed the mouse.

Yo mama so ugly when she walks in the bank the alarm goes off!!!!!!

yo mama is so poor she went to Wendys and put a frosty on lay-away.

Yo mamas so bald, Mr. Clean got jealous.

yo mamas teeth are so yellow , i cant believe its not butter!

Yo momma so stupid she thought the TV guide was directions to get to the televison

Yo mama so stupid…. she thought taco bell was a Mexican phone company!!!!!

your moma is like the billsberry boughboy, everyone gets a poke…

Ya mamma so ugly they mash her face in dough and make monster cookies for halloween

Yo Mama so fat when she jumps into the pool, the other swimmers can go surfing

Yo Mama so stupid, she got locked in a mattress store and slept on the floor.

Yo Mama so fat when I watch t.v. and she walks in front of it, I miss 3 episodes of my show.

yo mama is so fat that when she stepped on the talking scale it told her to get off.

yo mama so fat they had to baptize her at seaworld.

Yo mama is so ugly that when she took you to the zoo the zoo keeper said Thanks for bringing her back

yo mama is so fat she had on a green and red dress everybody yelled out watermelon

yo mamas so stupid she got hit by a parked car

yo mama so ugly she makes blind kids cry.

when she steps on a scale it reads, TO BE COUNTINUED!

Yo mama so fat, she got more rolls than a bakery.

Yo Mama so ugly when she went to the beauty parlor it took 3 hours for an estimate.

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. She responded, Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.

One day this Blonde walked into her doctors office.

Doctor, Doctor Im having these awlful pains in my back.
Well let me take a look.

When the doctor looked he had a look of suprise on his face.
This is amazing.
What is is doctor?
I didnt know that the new Toyotas had ribbed leather rear seating!

Q: Why dont blondes eat pickles?

A: Because they cant get their head in the jar.

A blonde and a redhead are watching the 6 oclock news one evening. The redhead bets the blonde $50 that the man in the lead story, who is threatening to jump from a 40 story building, will jump.

Ill take that bet, the blonde replied.

A few minutes later, the newscaster breaks in to report that the man had, indeed, jumped from the building. The redhead, feeling sudden guilt for having bet on such an incident, turns to the blonde and tells her that she does not need to pay the $50.

No, a bets a bet, the blonde replies, I owe you $50 dollars.

The redhead, feeling even more guilty, replies No, you dont understand, I saw the 3:00 edition, so I knew how it was going to turn out.

Thats okay, the blonde replies, I saw it earlier too, but I didnt think hed do it again.