There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine. Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change. She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up.
Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?
She looked at him and indignantly replied: Well Duhhh!, Im still winning.

Why does it take longer to make a blonde snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head first.

Mary Simpson was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained to her best friend, Theyre driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest and Im half-way to the nut hatch.

What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself, her friend said.

So Mary bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going.

Superb! I cant believe it, Mary said. I get in that pen with a good book and the kids dont bother me one bit!

By the way – Mary is blonde.

How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave at her.

Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side.

A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver.

Maam, is there a reason that youre weaving all over the road?

The woman replied, Oh officer, thank goodness youre here. I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!

Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied: Maam … thats your air freshener.

Q. Why dont blondes use vibrators?

A. They chip their teeth.

Q. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?

A. Fertilized

Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering?

A. More headroom

Q. Why is a blonde like a doorknob?

A. Because everyone gets a turn.

Q. Whats the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?

A. You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?

A. The more you bang it, the looser it gets!

Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?

A. Frosted Flakes

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, No, honey, dont do it.

The blonde replies, Shut up, youre next!

Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?

A: Single women come home, see whats in the fridge and go to bed.

Married women come home, see whats in bed and go to the fridge.

Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?

A: Both of them.

Q: Why did the man cross the road?

A: He heard the chicken was a slut.

Q: Why dont women blink during foreplay?

A: They dont have time.

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg?

A: They wont stop to ask directions.

Q: What do men and sperm have in common?

A: They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

Q: How does a man show that he is planning for the future?

A: He buys two cases of beer.

Q: What is the difference between men and government bonds?

A: The bonds mature.

Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?

A: So men can remember them.

Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

A: We dont know; it has never happened.

Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?

A: They all already have boyfriends.

Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

A: A Widow.

Q: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?

A: His hand caught fire.

Q: How do you get a man to do sit-ups?

A: Put the remote control between his toes.

Q: What did God say after creating Adam?

A: I must be able to do better than that.

Q: What did God say after creating Eve?

A: Practice makes perfect.

Q: How are men and parking spots alike?

A: Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.

Q: What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?

A: They are married.

Man says to God: God, why did you make woman so beautiful?

God says: So you would love her.

But God, the man says, why did you make her so dumb?

God says: So she would love you.