A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a moment, and said, How should I know, thats 200 miles from here! and hung up.

The husband said, Who was that?

The wife said, I dont know; some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.

Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a guy?

A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

A blonde was driving back from the mall when there was a terrible hail storm. Huge hail stones the size of golf balls pelted her car leaving it full of dents.

She drove to the body shop and asked what she should do. The body man explained what needed to be done and that it would cost at least $4000 to repair.

She said that was too much and wasnt there some other way to fix it?

The body man decided to have a little fun and said Well you could blow into the tail pipe real hard and they might pop back out!

She decided to give it a try before spending that much money. So she drove home and was in the garage with her lips wrapped around the exhaust pipe when her blonde neighbor came over to visit.

What are you doing! she shrieked thinking the worst and thankful that she may have just prevented her friend from committing suicide.

Im blowing into the tailpipe real hard to pop all these dents out of my car explained the first blonde.

Well silly, its not going to work replied her neighbor.

Why not? asked the first blonde.

Because youve got to roll up the windows first

A2: She didnt like it because she couldnt get MTV.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?

A: From crawling across the street when the sign said DONT WALK.

One day this guy, who has been stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon.
Its certainly not a ship,he thinks to himself.
As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes this drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She approaches the stunned guy and asks, How long has it been since youve had a cigarette?
Ten years! he says.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.
He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag, and says, Man, oh man! Is that ever good!
She then asks him, How long has it been since youve had a sip of good bourbon?
Trembling, he replies, Ten Years!
She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask, and gives it to him.
He opens the flask, takes a long swig, and says, Wow, thats absolutely fantastic!
Then she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at him seductively and asks, And how long has it been since youve played around?
The guy, with tears in his eyes, replies, Oh sweet Jesus! … Dont tell me youve got golf clubs in there!

A blonde came home from her first day commuting into the city.

Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, Honey, are you feeling all right?



Not really, the blonde replied. Im nauseous from sitting backward on the train.



Poor dear, Mom said. Why didnt you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?



I couldnt, she replied, there was no one there.

An accountant decided to leave his wife one day.



He left her a note saying:



Dear Jane, I am 54 years old and I have never done anything wild. So Im leaving you for an 18 year old blonde model. Well be staying at the Sheraton.



He then packed his things and went there. When he arrived at the Sheraton, there was a message for him from his wife. It read:



Dear John. I too am 54 years old. I have followed your example and am staying at the Hyatt with an 18 year old Italian hunk. And Im sure that you, as an accountant, will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times than 54 goes into 18!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?

A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

A brunette and a blonde were speeding down the street when they passed a cop.
Oh no! cried the brunette. Is he following me?
Yep, replied the blonde.

Im going to drive down this little side road, okay? said the brunette.
Yep, replied the blonde.

Is the cop still following me?
Yep.

Is his lights on?
Yep, nope, yep, nope, yep, nope…