If Radio Shack ran Christmas…
The staff would sell you ornaments, but not know anything about them or what they were for. Or you could buy parts to build your own tree.

ADA: A Dumb Arrangement
ADA: A Dumb Acronym
ADA: A Dumb Annoyance

BASIC: Boring And Shamelessly Idiotic Coders
BASIC: Badly Assembled, Severely Illogical Code
BASIC: Beginners Algorithms for Seemingly Infinite Confusion

C: Crud
C: Confusing

COBOL: Completly Outdated, Badly Overused Language
COBOL: Completly Overused, Badly Outdated Language
COBOL: Cowards Only Buy Outdated Languages
COBOL: Cowards Only Build Outdated Languages
COBOL: Crap Operated By Obsessed lunatics
COBOL: Crap Often Bothers Our Lethargy
COBOL: Crap Ostracized By Our Loathing
COBOL: Compiles Only Because Of Luck
COBOL: Cumbersome, Overdone, Badly Organized Language
COBOL: Coded Only By Obsessed Lunatics

FORTRAN: Files Only Run Through Right At Never-neverland

LISP: Lots of Insanely Stupid Parentheses
LISP: Lots of Irritating Superfluous Parentheses

PASCAL: Programmers Against Structured Code And Language

I once got an especially helpful reply to a question I asked on
Microsofts on-line tech support service. I wrote back to thank
them for a complete and concise reply, and said how much I
appreciated it.

The next day I had a response:

We are looking into the problem and will contact you with a solution
as soon as possible.

Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus wont harm your PC, but it will trash your car.

Bug – The reason you is a givn for calling in sick.

Why was Stonehenge abandoned?

It wasnt IBM compatible.

What driving to the store would be like if operating systems ran your car.

MS-DOS
You get in the car and try to remember where you put your keys.

Windows
You get in the car and drive to the store very slowly, because attached to the back of the car is a freight train.

Windows NT
You get in the car and write a letter that says go to the store. Then you get out of the car and mail the letter to your dashboard.

Macintosh System 7
You get in the car to go to the store. The car drives you to church instead, because the store has mysteriously exploded.

Apple
As you set out for the store, a hurricane comes up. The streets flood and the windshield wipers quit. You wash up in front of a store on a desert island in the South Pacific.

UNIX
You get in the car and type GREP STORE. You screech off at 200 miles per hour and arrive at the barber shop.

Taligent/Pink
You walk to the store with Ricardo Montalban, who tells you how wonderful it will be when he can fly you to the store in his Learjet.

Amiga
You get in the car and tell it to go to the store. It takes you to a shopping mall on the Moon.

VAX
You get in the car and find that the controls are all labeled in Egyptian hieroglyphics. You press several buttons at random and suddenly find yourself parked in front of a store, next to an Apple.

OS/2
After fueling up with 6,000 gallons of fuel, you get in the car and drive to the store with a motorcycle escort and a marching band in procession. Halfway there, the car blows up, killing you and half the town.

S/36 SSP (mainframe, obviously)
You get in the car and drive to the store. Halfway there you run out of gas. While walking the rest of the way, you are run over by kids on mopeds.

AS/400
An attendant locks you into the car and then drives you to the store, where you get to watch everybody else buy filet mignons.

Floppy disk – What you get from piling too much wood into your wood stove

Computer science student is studying under a tree and another one pulls up on a flashy new bike The student under the tree asks, Whered you get that?!? The student on the bike replies, While I was studying outside, this girl pulls up on her bike… She takes off all her clothes and says to me, You can have anything you want. The other student responds, Good choice! — her clothes probably wouldnt have fit you.

Mouse – What leaves those little turds in the cupboard