IBM: Institute of Black Magic

IBM: I Buy Mainframes

Log off – Dont add a log to your wood stove

At the time of writing, Microsofts slogan for Windows 95 was Where do you want to go today? These are some alternative and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with Windows.

14. Out of disk space. Delete Windows? [Y]es [A]solutely [O]f Course!

Here is a basic descriptions of what may happen if an airplane had a specific operating system running.

CAIRO: The airplane is distributed among 47 different hangars in 13 airports scattered over 8 states, 4 Canadian provinces, and a remote mountain hideaway in Nicaragua. But you dont need to know where the airplane is or who it belongs to in order to fly it. Actually, you dont fly the airplane itself; you fly a simulation that behaves just like the real thing except that you dont go anywhere. But thats okay, because when the world is at your fingertips you never need to leave home.

Dot Matrix – Eino Matrixs wife

Keyboard – Where youre supposed to put the keys so the wife can find them

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

George Bush virus: Doesnt do anything, but you cant get rid of it until November.

One of Microsofts finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, Its leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!