One of Microsofts finest support techs was drafted and sent to boot
camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle,
and bullets.

He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target
area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The Microsoft
tech looked at his rifle and then at the target again. He looked at
the rifle again, and then at the target again.

He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the
trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off,
whereupon he yelled toward the target area: Its leaving here just
fine. The trouble must be at your end!

New World Order virus: probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFTS NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT:





You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to



accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not



give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an



infringement of Microsofts rights). You may, however, let others



smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how



good it is.



If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven.



Set the oven using these keystrokes:



mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat



Then enter:



ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.



If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and press



start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.



If you have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner, enter the



ingredients of the dinner found on the package label, the weight of



the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The



oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to



your specification.



Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your



oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the



dinner from the oven and enter:



ms.nodamn.good/tryagainagain/again.crap



This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave



and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesnt work, contact your



oven vendor. The oven itself is obviously on the blink.



Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger



than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of



which are empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too



large to fit in your oven, you will need to upgrade your equipment.



Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the



chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another variety,



call Microsoft Help and they will explain that you really dont want



another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.



Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of



their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger



family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must



be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.



Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after 98. However,



that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get



thrilled in advance.



Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the



freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature,



not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.

Hard drive – Trying to get home during a heavy snow storm

Did you hear about the new computer virus?

Its called the Lorena Bobbit Virus.

Apparently, it turns your hard drive into a 3 1/2 inch floppy!

If Cray ran Christmas…
The holiday season would cost $16 million but would be celebrated faster than any other holiday during the year.

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer.

When asked to define great he said, I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Joke found on http://www.doorseva.com

Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth in 3 days. They were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell them though, that no matter what they did he was not changing his mind.

Bill Clinton went in and told his staff, I have good news and bad news for you. First the good news . . . there is a God. The bad news is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days.

Boris Yeltsin went back and told his staff, I have good news and terrible news. The first is that there is a God. The second is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days.

Bill Gates went back and told his staff, I have good news and good news. First, God thinks I am one of the three most important people in the world. Secondly, you dont have to fix the bugs in Windows 95.

Online – Where to stay when taking the sobriety test.

Enter – Come on in