Chocolate is derived
from cocoa beans.
Beans = vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar beets. Both of them
are plants, in the vegetable category.
Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.
To go one step further, chocolate bars also contain milk,
which contains calcium.
So, chocolate bars are a health food.
Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all
count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
Send this to four people and you will lose 2 pounds.
Send this to all the people you know (or ever knew), and you will lose
10 pounds.
If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately.
Thats why I had to pass this on – – – I didnt want to risk it.

Im fat, but Im
thin inside. Has it ever struck you that theres a thin man inside every
fat man, just as they say theres a statue inside every block of stone?

~ George Orwell

When using bathroom
scales, these simple rules must be followed:
1. Always place the scale on thick shag carpeting.
2. Hold tightly onto the sink or shower rod (both when possible) and
gradually release the weight of the body onto the scale.
3. Make sure needle placement is accurate by cautiously adjusting the
little round knob on the centre-front, very slowly to the left. (Zero
is a wide number and should be treated accordingly.)
4. WARNING: Stay away from digital scales. (They are not properly adjustable
and therefore inaccurate.)
5. Do not weigh yourself constantly. Every time you stand on the scales
it stretches the little springs and wing nuts inside and slowly presses
them flat – the result, even with no weight gain whatsoever, is that the
scale makes you appear to weigh a little more each time.

My advice if you
insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like-just dont swallow it.

~ Harry Secombe

The 1/19 Baltimore
Sun had an interview with Frank Marshall, director of upcoming film, "Alive,"
in which a rubgy team marooned in the mountains must resort to cannibalism
for survival.
Mr. Marshall said he was out driving, discussing the film deal on his
car phone, when he was cut off by a pickup with a bumper sticker reading,
"Rugby Players Eat Their Dead."
He decided to make the film, saying, "You have to go with those
kinds of things."

The Doctor put
me on a diet of Viagra and Prune juice, but I had to give it up. I never
knew if I was coming or going!

~ Rodney Dangerfield

"Im prescribing
these pills for you," said the doctor to the overweight patient,
who tipped the scales at about three hundred pounds.
"I dont want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor
twice a day and pick them up, one at a time…."