No diet will remove
all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without
a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.

~George Bernard Shaw

Researchers have
discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain
as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between
the two but cant remember what they are.

~Matt Lauer

1. When you swallow
a diet coke you only get 1 calorie.

2. It comes in a can, not in your mouth.

3. You can ignore a diet coke for weeks and it will still be there when
you want it.

4. The first one wont get mad if you need another one tonight.

5. A diet coke generally lasts longer.

6. You can throw it in the bin when youre done.

7. A diet coke will treat you the same in the morning as the night before.

8. You can pick one up at a supermarket without your friends talking about
you.

9. You can do one in the car even while driving.

10. The aftertaste is certainly better.

11. You can get a bigger size without changing brands.

12. You never have to lie to a diet coke.

13. A diet soda will wait home patiently when you go out with friends
and still refresh you when you get home at 6AM.

14. You can have a headache and still enjoy it.

The loud repercussions

of diet discussions

Can set you to groaning aloud
By raising the issue

of adipose tissue

With which you feel over endowed.
You determine to lose,

but which method to use?

Theyre all couched in such intricate terms
That you long to get hold

of those wise men of old

Who sponsored the Diet of Worms.

What did the Catholic
Church call its new fat-free, low-calorie communion wafer?
"I cant believe its not Jesus!"