Pretty funny if you think about it…

What the Doctor saysWhat the Doctor REALLY means
This should be taken care of right away.Id planned a trip to Kenya next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
Well see.First I have to check my malpractice insurance.
Let me check your medical history.I want to see if youve paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.
Why dont we make another appointment later in the week.Im playing golf this afternoon, and this is a waste of time.
I really cant recommend seeing a chiropractor.I hate those guys mooching in on our fees.

This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, Ill be home in an hour.

Perfect, she replies.



The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife?



She calls him on the phone and she says, Traffic is terrible. I wont be there for about an hour and a half.



The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. What should I do? he asks.

The Doctor replied, It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?

Yes the man replied.



Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead? said the Doctor.

The man then replied with dismay, But I dont need Viagra with the housekeeper…

Why is pubic hair curly?

So you dont poke your eyes out!

Good: Youre having sex.

Bad: The dog came in during and licked your butt.

Worse: You liked it.

Good: Your teenage son is spending a lot of time in his room studying

Bad: You find a bunch of gay porno tapes hidden in his room.

Worse: Hes in them.

Good: Your wife gives your daughter the birds and the bees speech.

Bad: Your daughter keeps interrupting…..

Worse: ……with corrections.

A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say,Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?

Oh, thats not a problem for us men anymore! announces a proud physician, They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You take some pills, and your problems are history.

So the doctor gives the man a prescription and sends him on his merry way.

A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his patient on the street.

Doctor, Doctor! exclaims the man excitedly, Ive got to thank you! This drug is a miracle! Its wonderful!

Well, Im glad to hear that says the pleased physician, What does your wife think about it?

My wife? asks the man, I dont know, I havent been home yet.

A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, I have to tell you something about your baby. The woman sits up in bed and says, Whats wrong with my baby, Doctor? Whats wrong?? The doctor says, Well, now, nothings wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite. The woman says, A hermaphrodite…. whats that??? The doctor says, Well, it means your baby has the… er… features…of a male and a female. The woman turns pale. She says, Oh my god! You mean it has a penis AND a brain?

A young couple gets caught making out in a car park buy a cop.

The cop says, What do you think youre doing?

The guys says, Officer, were just necking.

The cop says, Yeah? Then you better put your neck back in your pants and get the hell out of here.

What Woman Say vs. What Women Really Mean

CANT WE JUST BE FRIENDS? … really means, There is no way Im going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again.

I JUST NEED SOME SPACE. … really means, without you in it.

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?… really means, We havent had a fight in a while.

NO, PIZZAS FINE…. really means, you cheap slob!

I JUST DONT WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW. … really means, I just dont want YOU as a boyfriend now.

I DONT KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? … really means, I cant believe you have nothing planned!

COME HERE. … really means, My puppy does this, too.

I LIKE YOU, BUT… really means, I dont like you.

OF COURSE I LOVE YOU…. really means, just not in that way.

YOU NEVER LISTEN. … really means, You never listen.

WERE MOVING TOO QUICKLY. … really means, Im not going to stay over until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend.

ILL BE READY IN A MINUTE…. really means, Im ready, but Im going to make you wait because I know you will.

OH, NO, ILL PAY FOR MYSELF. … really means, Im just being nice; theres no way Im going Dutch.

IM JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS. …. really means, Were gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends.

Two guys were out golfing and one said he was going to Doctor Brown and have a set of dentures made.

His golfing buddy commented that he did that same thing two years ago.

How do you like your new teeth… did Doctor Brown do a good job for you? asked his friend.

Well, I was out golfing the other day and a golfer hooked his drive off the tee on the adjacent hole. That ball must have been going six-hundred miles an hour when it hit me in the testicles… thats the first time in two years that my teeth didnt hurt me!

Lyles Joke Boutique.

There are these two gay men, named Syrel and Sessil, driving happily along in their car. As they came to an intersection, they stopped for the red light.

All of a sudden a big semi-trailer comes crunching through the back of their car!

Syrel and Sessil were really pissed!

Syrel says to Sessil to get out of the car to tell off the truck driver.

So Sessil gets out of the car and approaches the truck driver, who apparently is one huge mother trucker (tattoos and all)!

You bloody idiot! Look at what youve done to our beloved car!, exclaims Sessil. Youre going to pay for this damage you know!

Suck my dick!, shouts the truck driver.

This prompted Sessil to go back to his car, to discuss the situation with Syrel.

I think he wants to settle out of court, Syrel.