Every time a new Pope is elected, there are many rituals and ceremonies to perform, in accordance with tradition.

But theres one tradition that very few people know about…
Shortly after the new Pope is enthroned, the Chief Rabbi seeks an audience. He is shown into the Popes presence, whereupon he presents him with a silver tray bearing a velvet cushion. On top of the cushion is an ancient, shriveled parchment envelope. The Pope symbolically stretches out his arm in a gesture of rejection. The Chief Rabbi then retires, taking the envelope with him and does not return until the next Pope is elected.

John Paul II was intrigued by this ritual, whose origins were unknown to him. He instructed the best scholars of the Vatican to research it, but they came up with nothing. When the time came and the Chief Rabbi was shown into his presence, he faithfully enacted the ritual rejection but, as the Chief Rabbi turned to leave, he called him back.

My brother, the Holy Father whispered, I must confess that we Catholics are ignorant of the meaning of this ritual enacted for centuries between us and you, the representative of the Jewish people. I have to ask you, what is it all about?

The Chief Rabbi shrugs and replies: But we have no more idea than you do. The origin of the ceremony is lost in the mists of ancient history.

The Pope said: Let us retire to my private chambers and enjoy a glass of wine together, then, with your agreement, we shall open the envelope and discover at last the secret. The Chief Rabbi agreed.

Fortified in their resolve by the wine, they gingerly pried open the parchment envelope and with trembling fingers, the Chief Rabbi reached inside and extracted a folded sheet of similarly ancient paper. As the Pope peered over his shoulder, he slowly opened it. They both gasped with shock.

It was the check for the Last Supper.

100 men were waiting at the pearly gates of heaven to go when god appeared.

He said since as you have all lived such good lifes, i will grant you all
one wish each!

So, turning to guy No.1 he said what would you like as your wish?

To be beautiful was his reply, and so it was done.

God asked the question to man 2 and he also said to be beautiful.

Then they all were saying it and when it got to guy number 14, number 100 at the back began to giggle …

Guy 28 was saying he wanted to be beautiful when man 100 laughed out loud, and he got a piercing stare from everyone.

By the time it got to man 84, the number 100 was rollling on the floor
laughing his head off!!! But they all ignored him.

After man numero 99 said he wished to be hansome (a bit of variation!) the
guy 100 finally got his wish.

But first God asked why he was laughing, no reason he said; so God
shrugged his shoulders and asked him the same question as all the others:
what do you want?

The 100th guy said To make them all butt-ugly again!

Doctor: “I’m sorry to say that the check you gave me has bounced back.”

Banta: “It is right doctor, so has my fever.”

The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and he said to the first one, so how do you plead?,

Not guilty said the second defendant.

I wasnt talking to you the judge replied.

I never said a word the third defendant replied.

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with gas, but it really doesnt bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, Ive farted at least 20 times since Ive been here in your office. You didnt know I was farting because they dont smell and are silent."The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I dont know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts — although still silent — stink terribly."The doctor says, "Good! Now that weve cleared up your sinuses, lets work on your hearing…."

This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything.
Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented. Then bundle up your wife or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list and add your name to the bottom of the list.

When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have. At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, of whom 4 were worth keeping.

REMEMBER this chain brings luck. One mans pit bull died and the next day he received a Playboy swimsuit model. An unmarried man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a Hooters waitress and a Hollywood super model.

You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One man broke the chain and got his own wife back again.

Lets keep it going, men! Just add your name to the list below!

> Bill Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC
>
> William Jefferson Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC
>
> W. J. Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC
>
> William Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC
>
> W. Jefferson Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC
>
> William J. Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC
>
> Slick Willie Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington, DC
>
> Mr. Hillary Clinton
> 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
> Washington DC

An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.

An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.

So, what is it? grumbled the governor.

Judge Garber has just died said the attorney, and I want to take his place.

The governor replied: Well, its OK with me if its OK with the undertaker.

Bill Clinton was out jogging one morning, when he came to an apartment complex.

Sitting outside on the steps was a cute little girl with a big box.

As Bill jogged closer, he could see that the box was full of adorable puppies.

He went to the little girl and said Awww…those are the cutest puppies

The little girl said These arent puppies. I call them Democrats.

Bill thought this was really sweet and said Well, thats so sweet!

A few days later, Hillary was jogging with Bill when they came to the same building with the little girl outside.

The girl was still there with the box. Bill nudged Hillary and said Watch this.

He asked the little girl, What have you got there? Puppies?

The little girl shook her head and said No, not puppies, I call them Republicans.

Bill was shocked. He said But I thought you said they were Democrats???

The little girl said Well, they were…but now theyve got their eyes open!!

A man goes to the doctors and says, Doctor, Ive got this problem you see, only youve got to promise not to laugh.

The doctor replies, Of course I wont laugh, that would be thoroughly unprofessional. In over twenty years of being a doctor Ive never laughed at a patient.

OK then, says the man, and he drops his trousers. The doctor is greeted by the sight of the tiniest penis he has ever seen in his life. Unable to control himself, he falls about laughing on the floor.

Ten minutes later he is able to struggle up to his feet and wipe the tears from his eyes, Im so sorry, he says to the patient, I dont know what came over me, I wont let it happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?

The man looks up at the doctor sadly and says, Its swollen.

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying:

Nerds Not Allowed — Enter At Your Own Risk!

He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him.
You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?

I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers Im hauling.

Okay, truck drivers are not nerds, he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.

Why did you do that?

Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You dont even need a license.

The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers.They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen!

He cant let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.

Whats wrong? I thought nerds were in season, says the truck driver.
Well, sure, says the patrolman. But you cant bait em!